LEWISTON, ME—In the hours following a violent rampage in Maine in which a lone attacker k**led at least 16 individuals and injured numerous others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass k*****g routinely occurs reportedly concluded Wednesday 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆.

“This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Idaho resident Peter Carter, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep this individual from snapping and k*****g a lot of people if that’s what they really wanted.”

At press time, residents of the only economically advanced nation in the world where roughly two mass shootings have occurred every month for the past eight years were referring to themselves and their situation as “helpless.”

https://www.theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-r-1850961776

BREAKING: Trump and Republicans shake in their boots as J****** 6 Capitol Officer Harry Dunn announces that he is considering running for a seat in the U.S. Congress — and publicly CALLS OUT Trump…

Dunn started off his potential Congressional run with a bang, declaring, “The America we live in today is not the America we inherited from our founders. It’s the one we built by v****g, by protesting, by agitating, by demanding, by being arrested, by getting into ‘some good trouble, necessary trouble,’ as civil rights icon, former member of Congress, and my hero, John Lewis, would say. We got these rights by fighting, not on some faraway battlefield but right here at home."

To make matters worse for Trump, Dunn just released a blistering editorial in Time Magazine in which he declared, “There was an attack carried out on J****** 6th, and a hitman sent them. The hitman was Donald Trump, and he needs to answer for his crime."

Well said, Harry Dunn! If Dunn does decide to run for Congress, it would be devastating news not just for Trump, but for the entire Republican Party, because Dunn doesn’t back down to them — and he was seriously injured during Trump’s deadly J****** 6 i**********n and will serve as a breathing, living reminder of just how dangerous to our democracy Trump and his Republican enablers truly are.