1. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to k**l. Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

2. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had made it home safely.

3. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40.

4. A teenage boy asks his granny: /"Have you seen my pills? They were labeled LSD?" Granny replies: " The hell with the pills, did you see the d**gons in the kitchen?"

5. Wife gets naked and asks hubby: /"What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?"/ Hubby looks her up and down and replies: /"Your sense of humor!"/ .......(Hospital visiting hours are 5:00 pm. to 6:00 pm.)

6. A chap's wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest they should hold auditions for her part. (His viewing will be Saturday from 7:00 pm. till 8:30 pm.)

7. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

8 . I woke up this morning at 11:30 , and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's now serve breakfast all day.

9 . My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door. She screamed: /"I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"/ I replied:/"Oh, so now you want me to stay!"/

10. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. When we went to the fair last night it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

11. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her: /"Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"/ The doctor says I should be able to see again in about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month.

Rail road gauge



Fascinating Stuff . . .




Railroad Tracks




The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches.

That's an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?

Because that's the way they built them in England,

and English expatriates designed the U.S. Railroads.




Why did the English build them like that?

Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did 'they' use that gauge then?

Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used

for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.









Why did the wagons have that particular Odd wheel spacing?

Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.









So, who built those old rutted roads?

Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.




And the ruts in the roads?

Roman war char**ts formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match

for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.









Since the char**ts were made for Imperial Rome,

they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Therefore, the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches

is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war char**t.

In other words, bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a specification, procedure, or process, and wonder,

'What horse's ass came up with this?', you may be exactly right.

Imperial Roman army char**ts were made just wide enough

to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses.









Now, the twist to the story:




When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad,

you will notice that there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs.

The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.









The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit larger,

but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains

and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel.

The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know,

is about as wide as two horses' behinds.










So, a major Space Shuttle design feature

of what is arguably the world's most advanced t***sportation system

was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.




And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important!




Now you know, Horses' Asses control almost everything.




Explains a whole lot of stuff, doesn't it?


RETW

I am not so sure that the search for meaning in life events is useful. It is far too dependent on far too many variables. Search to me denotes a purposeful looking for something. What part of me is searching? What needs or desires or pain or p***e or fear may be directing it? Of course, if we want to grant Reason as being above the personal, then it seems the search appears wise. But how can it be and is it good to rise above the personal? If such a search is just to give succor or to justify our actions, isn't it just a delusion? My question is, I guess, is it possible to find meaning without searching for it? Can it be stumbled upon unexpectedly? Does it have to do with our life experiences? Is looking with simple wonder more accurate than looking with directed intent? Or, is there a meaning outside of who we are, what we know, and our experience? A truly "something other."

But I can't tell you what it is. From my experience, the other-worldly, what is beyond our known reality, is not like any God we have imagined. Or if God is even the right word to use. Yet I know there is something other. All the major and minor religions, philosophies, and psychological schools are mostly, at best, vain approximates of this something other. Its order is unique: per person. It is a relationship with us that is singular and one of a kind, never to be repeated. The definition of unique. It is as if each of us was, in some small but definitive way, a different sub-personality of God or wh**ever. The biggest hint we have to a possible connection with the Great Something Other is "no mind." It can be t***slated as a fierce integrity of being: totally at-one with our essence. This idea is pervasive in all major religions but always assigned either a minor or conflicting role. The story below will help, hopefully, illustrate this point.

Thomas Merton went to a conference in Japan between Catholic monks and priests and Buddhists monks and priests. The monks and priests of both were in separate rooms. In the room with the priests, there was much loud and angry debate over theological points and practices. In the room with the monks there was just little utterances of "yes" and "ahha" in exchanges. Common ground on a deeply visceral and soul level. Does that prove anything? No. But it does hint.

Paul wrote about "no mind" but did not call it such. He said "have no boast." Buddhism and Hinduism in general, and the Jewish Kabbala and Islamic Sufism, the mystical branches of those two faiths, have the basic principle of "no mind" as central to a relationship with the Great Something Other. "Have no image" is another way of phrasing it. Such concepts grates against our Western thinking. Individualism is our foundation. But we may be tragically wrong.