California Governor Gavin Noisome has ordered a statewide mandatory blindfolding policy
https://www.veteranstoday.com/2020/07/20/blindfolds/

California Governor Gavin Noisome has ordered a statewide mandatory blindfolding policy to help slow the spread of c****av***s. Noisome’s Executive Odor 666-666 requires all citizens to wear blindfolds as well as masks whenever they leave their homes, and revokes all health and religious exemptions from masking and blindfolding.

“Studies show that when you blink, your eyelashes scatter tiny droplets of moisture into the atmosphere, potentially contributing to the spread of C****-**,” Noisome explained at this morning’s press conference. “The best way to stop these moisture droplets is at the source, by wearing a cloth blindfold over your eyes. If all of us join together and blindfold ourselves, we can get through this thing together without ever seeing what’s really going on and without having to look at each other’s fear-stricken faces.”

Noisome said that mandatory blindfolding, like mandatory masking, not only slows the spread of C***D, but also offers economic benefits. “Cottage industries are already springing up, as enterprising Californians turn ordinary pieces of cloth into blindfolds and sell them on the internet,” the governor enthused. “And while it’s true that the Amazon delivery drivers will take longer than usual to deliver the blindfolds to your doorstep, since those drivers will themselves be blindfolded, the bright side is that Amazon will have to hire more drivers, which is good for the economy. Since paying all those blindfolded drivers will cost Amazon a pretty penny, we expect that Jeff Bezos will put billions of dollars into accelerating the development of self-driving vehicles, which will ultimately solve the whole C***D problem by making humans obsolete.”

Responding to civil libertarians’ concerns about heavy-handed enforcement of the masks-and-blindfolds policy, Noisome said police won’t be arresting or shooting scofflaws, at least not in large numbers, because the police themselves will be blindfolded. “We expect police shootings to go way down,” he explained. “And since the police won’t be able to see the skin color of the people they shoot at, nor aim with any precision, the disproportionate k*****gs of black people will finally end, fulfilling the demands of protestors and turning the page on a sorry episode in our history.”

Noisome said mandatory blindfolding would also obviate the need to remove statues of politically-incorrect historical figures. “If nobody can see the statues, why bother to smash or remove them?” he asked rhetorically. “It’s actually cheaper in the long run to blindfold the population instead of having to pay for statue removal.”

The governor added that if mandatory masks and blindfolds don’t stop the spread of C***D, he would consider issuing another executive order requiring people to wear earplugs to stop the v***s from riding into the body on soundwaves. He added in light of scientific studies showing that C***D can be spread by flatulence, the state might also have to require people to “put a cork in it.”

HOW THE INTERNET STARTED.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy (Dot for short). Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.


And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."


Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.


To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to t***smit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to The People (HTTP).


And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.


And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."


And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
or "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.


Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.


It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).


That is how it all began. And that's the t***h. I would not make up this stuff.