Posts for: wallstreetgypsy
Jul 8, 2014 13:31:51 #
(Main)
President Obama has appointed former President Bill Clinton to the newly created post of Virginity Czar of the United States of America. In announcing the appointment, President Obama said: There are millions of women in this Country who are sick and tired of virginity, but have had no way out other than committed and often complicated relationships. Now, finally, thanks to the kind of Change I promised, these women can rest easy knowing that their Government will stand behind them, or astride them, or wh**ever.
I chose former President Clinton for this strenuous job because of his often-demonstrated sk**ls in this area, Obama said. I was particularly impressed by the Blow by Blow accounts of his flight home with the two very grateful young women he helped free from North Korea. The beaming smile on the former Presidents face as he stepped off the plane told the story for the whole world to see.
When asked for her opinion, former Secretary of State Clinton commented: Well, certainly no one can deny that the America women who join this Government program will be well served. Given his many years of experience at this type of Government Service, Im sure Bill will Raise the Bar, so to speak!
A spokesman for the Administration announced that, while the new department had a generous budget giving it the opportunity to set up a nationwide operation, former President Clinton has vowed to save the taxpayers many millions of dollars by meeting the servicing requests of American women personally! I know it will be hard, said Clinton, but you can rest assured that I will rise to the occasion. Virgins of America, rejoice: Bill Clinton is riding to your rescue!
However, Clinton did warn that a program of this magnitude would probably result in some rationing. Woman over 60, for example, would experience considerable delays while waiting for their servicing requests to be granted, while women in their 20s or 30s would receive priority treatment. Teen-agers, according to the former President, would receive immediate servicing!
In closing, President Obama made clear that this type of activity is nothing new for the Government, and that, in fact, it had been going on for generations. When you stop to think about it, Obama said, This is exactly what the Government has been doing to taxpayers for a very long time. The only real change is that what was done Figuratively in the past, will now be done Literally!
Now that is really Change you can believe in"!!!
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious
I chose former President Clinton for this strenuous job because of his often-demonstrated sk**ls in this area, Obama said. I was particularly impressed by the Blow by Blow accounts of his flight home with the two very grateful young women he helped free from North Korea. The beaming smile on the former Presidents face as he stepped off the plane told the story for the whole world to see.
When asked for her opinion, former Secretary of State Clinton commented: Well, certainly no one can deny that the America women who join this Government program will be well served. Given his many years of experience at this type of Government Service, Im sure Bill will Raise the Bar, so to speak!
A spokesman for the Administration announced that, while the new department had a generous budget giving it the opportunity to set up a nationwide operation, former President Clinton has vowed to save the taxpayers many millions of dollars by meeting the servicing requests of American women personally! I know it will be hard, said Clinton, but you can rest assured that I will rise to the occasion. Virgins of America, rejoice: Bill Clinton is riding to your rescue!
However, Clinton did warn that a program of this magnitude would probably result in some rationing. Woman over 60, for example, would experience considerable delays while waiting for their servicing requests to be granted, while women in their 20s or 30s would receive priority treatment. Teen-agers, according to the former President, would receive immediate servicing!
In closing, President Obama made clear that this type of activity is nothing new for the Government, and that, in fact, it had been going on for generations. When you stop to think about it, Obama said, This is exactly what the Government has been doing to taxpayers for a very long time. The only real change is that what was done Figuratively in the past, will now be done Literally!
Now that is really Change you can believe in"!!!
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious
Jul 5, 2014 09:51:05 #
(Main)
slatten49 wrote:
Pouting? Hardly. I continue laughing at your wea... (show quote)
****************************************
Amusement, no. Annoyance, yes!!!
Jul 5, 2014 07:17:54 #
Jul 4, 2014 07:37:14 #
(Main)
User name: Patty
User title (?): a regular here
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Registration date: Mar 4, 14
Number of topics created: 656 (list)
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Feedback/rating: 9, positive 55.6% (list)
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Location: in hiding :)
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User title (?): a regular here
Status: offline
Private messages: Send PM (click to send a private message) (all from/all to) (add to buddy list)
Registration date: Mar 4, 14
Number of topics created: 656 (list)
Number of messages posted: 7359 (list)
Feedback/rating: 9, positive 55.6% (list)
Birthday: N/A
Location: in hiding :)
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Jul 4, 2014 07:14:56 #
(Main)
Stay "in hiding" Patty. That is where you belong. I may detest the current government, but I love my Country. I always have, and I always will.
Jul 4, 2014 06:01:20 #
Jul 4, 2014 04:58:53 #
(Main)
Freedoms F**g
The F**g is passing by. MY F**g is passing by.
Hand over heart, I stand in silent homage.
They march behind it proudly. Can you see them there?
Men in Khaki, and Olive Drab, and Navy blue.
A ghostly Parade.
So many colors, so many centuries.
Uniforms change, but brave hearts remain the same.
Strong and true, they risk all for Freedom.
They stand and die at Libertys front door.
No price too great.
Stout guardians of our sacred heritage,
Heroes and sons of heroes. God Bless them.
Weapons in hand, they guard ground red with blood
And where they stand, men breathe forever free.
Pray for them.
Again they stand on dismal foreign ground.
They bring the torch of Liberty to darkened lands.
I see men stand erect, after centuries on their knees.
How proud I am. How full my heart.
MY F**g is passing by.
GK
The F**g is passing by. MY F**g is passing by.
Hand over heart, I stand in silent homage.
They march behind it proudly. Can you see them there?
Men in Khaki, and Olive Drab, and Navy blue.
A ghostly Parade.
So many colors, so many centuries.
Uniforms change, but brave hearts remain the same.
Strong and true, they risk all for Freedom.
They stand and die at Libertys front door.
No price too great.
Stout guardians of our sacred heritage,
Heroes and sons of heroes. God Bless them.
Weapons in hand, they guard ground red with blood
And where they stand, men breathe forever free.
Pray for them.
Again they stand on dismal foreign ground.
They bring the torch of Liberty to darkened lands.
I see men stand erect, after centuries on their knees.
How proud I am. How full my heart.
MY F**g is passing by.
GK
Jul 3, 2014 09:41:35 #
(Main)
Breaking News:
Black Canyon City resident arrested for Animal Cruelty - Incident involves Hundreds of Domesticated Rats
On June 30, 2014, Yavapai County Health Services personnel requested assistance with a possible animal cruelty investigation at a home in the 19200 block of E. Abbott Street, Black Canyon City. Health Services had received a call from a citizen reporting numerous dying and dead rats in around a trailer on the property.
Upon arrival, deputies and YCSO Animal Control Officers could immediately smell urine, feces, and the odor of dead animal carcass emanating from the property. A large travel trailer was inspected as it was the strongest source of the odor. This trailer had a pen inside the front section that contained several dead and dying rats and pens to the rear with an estimated 300 to 500 rats, most of which appeared dead or dying. The temperature inside the trailer was over 100 degrees and the odor was overwhelming.
Inside the main residence, YCSO personnel found several aquariums with newborn and adult rats. The animals appeared in good condition and had food and water. No one was home at the time.
Deputies learned that a person by the name of Jeff, later identified as 28-year-old Jeffrey Wendorff, was the known caretaker for the rats. Wendorff was located at a nearby business and detained. He initially denied knowledge of any animals on the Abbott Street property, but eventually admitted he had stopped caring for the rats recently and said, As far as I known, theyre probably all dead. Wendorff indicated he was living at the location until a couple of weeks ago. Both he and the property owner had previously entered into a business partnership for the purpose of breeding and selling rats for profit. This arrangement also allowed Wendorff to live on the property rent free. Following a pay dispute, Wendorff abandoned his duty as the primary caretaker, moved, and abandoned the animals. The property owner is apparently only a part time resident.
Wendorff was arrested and charged with Cruel Mistreatment of Animals and Cruel Neglect/Abandonment of Animal both misdemeanors. He was booked at the Camp Verde Detention Center and has since been released on a promise to appear for court. The investigation is ongoing as to others who might be complicit in this activity.
Citizens can contact the Yavapai County Sheriffs Office with information or questions at 928-771-3260 or the YCSO website: www.ycsoaz.gov
PLEASE NOTE: This story is absolutely TRUE. It is not satire.
Check it here: http://www.prescottenews.com/index.php/news/current-news/item/23781-black-canyon-city-man-arrested-for-dead-rats
Black Canyon City resident arrested for Animal Cruelty - Incident involves Hundreds of Domesticated Rats
On June 30, 2014, Yavapai County Health Services personnel requested assistance with a possible animal cruelty investigation at a home in the 19200 block of E. Abbott Street, Black Canyon City. Health Services had received a call from a citizen reporting numerous dying and dead rats in around a trailer on the property.
Upon arrival, deputies and YCSO Animal Control Officers could immediately smell urine, feces, and the odor of dead animal carcass emanating from the property. A large travel trailer was inspected as it was the strongest source of the odor. This trailer had a pen inside the front section that contained several dead and dying rats and pens to the rear with an estimated 300 to 500 rats, most of which appeared dead or dying. The temperature inside the trailer was over 100 degrees and the odor was overwhelming.
Inside the main residence, YCSO personnel found several aquariums with newborn and adult rats. The animals appeared in good condition and had food and water. No one was home at the time.
Deputies learned that a person by the name of Jeff, later identified as 28-year-old Jeffrey Wendorff, was the known caretaker for the rats. Wendorff was located at a nearby business and detained. He initially denied knowledge of any animals on the Abbott Street property, but eventually admitted he had stopped caring for the rats recently and said, As far as I known, theyre probably all dead. Wendorff indicated he was living at the location until a couple of weeks ago. Both he and the property owner had previously entered into a business partnership for the purpose of breeding and selling rats for profit. This arrangement also allowed Wendorff to live on the property rent free. Following a pay dispute, Wendorff abandoned his duty as the primary caretaker, moved, and abandoned the animals. The property owner is apparently only a part time resident.
Wendorff was arrested and charged with Cruel Mistreatment of Animals and Cruel Neglect/Abandonment of Animal both misdemeanors. He was booked at the Camp Verde Detention Center and has since been released on a promise to appear for court. The investigation is ongoing as to others who might be complicit in this activity.
Citizens can contact the Yavapai County Sheriffs Office with information or questions at 928-771-3260 or the YCSO website: www.ycsoaz.gov
PLEASE NOTE: This story is absolutely TRUE. It is not satire.
Check it here: http://www.prescottenews.com/index.php/news/current-news/item/23781-black-canyon-city-man-arrested-for-dead-rats
Jul 2, 2014 22:39:51 #
The National Organization for Women has announced it will file an Amicus Curiae brief in the case of Sharpton vs the State of New York. In that case, the mother of civil rights activist Al Sharpton was arrested when she mistakenly attempted to hire New York City undercover detectives to perform a full term abortion on her 54 year old son.
Mrs. Sharpton was tried and convicted of conspiracy to commit murder. However, the New York State Court of Appeals overturned her conviction, ruling that a woman has a constitutionally guaranteed right to have an abortion performed, regardless of the age of the fetus. The High Court further found that the trial judge had erred in permitting Reverend Sharpton to testify against his mother. "Certainly," the Justices wrote, "any study of the rulings of the United States Supreme Court on this subject makes it clear that the fetus has no legal standing in our Courts, and therefore cannot be permitted to testify. While this Court is sympathetic to the complaint of the fetus that 'she tried to kill my ass,' the principle of law must be upheld."
Mrs. Sharpton's lawyer, prominent attorney John E. Cockroach, said: "She didn't do nothin' wrong. She went to dozens of hospitals and doctors to ask for this abortion, but they all turned her down. A few did express interest when they learned the name of the fetus to be aborted, but the price was exorbitant."
"All Mrs. Sharpton did was what women have always done when mainstream medicine refuses them. She turned to the "Back Alley" medical practitioners.
The prosecution argued that, to consider Smith & Wesson to be a manufacturer of medical instruments, is to break new ground for which there is no legal precedent. However, the Court of Appeals rejected the argument, stating that, in its opinion: "the choice of medical instruments used to perform the procedure is not material to the overall constitutionally protected nature of the medical procedure itself."
In filing an appeal to the Supreme Court of the United States, the New York State Attorney General, Elliott Spitter, said: "While we certainly recognize and respect a woman's right to control her own body, we must agree with the American Medical Association that the use of unlicensed full term abortion specialists is an illegal act, and constitutes a misdemeanor under the New York State Consumer Protection statutes."
"If our position is upheld by the United States Supreme Court," said Spitter, "my office will immediately go the Legislature to request stringent licensing requirements for these medical specialists. The women of the State of New York have a right to be protected against sub-par workmanship when exercising their rights to full term abortions."
Noted full term abortion specialist Augie (the Shiv) Gigante announced he will also file "one of those Curious Amigo briefs" on behalf of himself and his fellow specialists.
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious
Mrs. Sharpton was tried and convicted of conspiracy to commit murder. However, the New York State Court of Appeals overturned her conviction, ruling that a woman has a constitutionally guaranteed right to have an abortion performed, regardless of the age of the fetus. The High Court further found that the trial judge had erred in permitting Reverend Sharpton to testify against his mother. "Certainly," the Justices wrote, "any study of the rulings of the United States Supreme Court on this subject makes it clear that the fetus has no legal standing in our Courts, and therefore cannot be permitted to testify. While this Court is sympathetic to the complaint of the fetus that 'she tried to kill my ass,' the principle of law must be upheld."
Mrs. Sharpton's lawyer, prominent attorney John E. Cockroach, said: "She didn't do nothin' wrong. She went to dozens of hospitals and doctors to ask for this abortion, but they all turned her down. A few did express interest when they learned the name of the fetus to be aborted, but the price was exorbitant."
"All Mrs. Sharpton did was what women have always done when mainstream medicine refuses them. She turned to the "Back Alley" medical practitioners.
The prosecution argued that, to consider Smith & Wesson to be a manufacturer of medical instruments, is to break new ground for which there is no legal precedent. However, the Court of Appeals rejected the argument, stating that, in its opinion: "the choice of medical instruments used to perform the procedure is not material to the overall constitutionally protected nature of the medical procedure itself."
In filing an appeal to the Supreme Court of the United States, the New York State Attorney General, Elliott Spitter, said: "While we certainly recognize and respect a woman's right to control her own body, we must agree with the American Medical Association that the use of unlicensed full term abortion specialists is an illegal act, and constitutes a misdemeanor under the New York State Consumer Protection statutes."
"If our position is upheld by the United States Supreme Court," said Spitter, "my office will immediately go the Legislature to request stringent licensing requirements for these medical specialists. The women of the State of New York have a right to be protected against sub-par workmanship when exercising their rights to full term abortions."
Noted full term abortion specialist Augie (the Shiv) Gigante announced he will also file "one of those Curious Amigo briefs" on behalf of himself and his fellow specialists.
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious
Jul 2, 2014 18:32:52 #
(Main)
Homestead: I was beginning to think along these lines, then your post pushed me further down the road. In the past week, because of the public statements he has made, Obama has pushed us ever closer to a constitutional crisis. I am beginning to think that Senators who v**e against impeachment may be badly punished by fed up Americans on E******n Day.
Also, as someone has mentioned, being in the middle of impeachment proceedings would so distract Obama that he would not be free to concentrate on further destroying the America we love.
One further thought: I almost deserted this side because of the many, vehement, screeches from local l*****ts any time Obama's name is mentioned. But then, once again, I changed my mind. Let's stick it to them and enjoy their frenzied reactions!
Also, as someone has mentioned, being in the middle of impeachment proceedings would so distract Obama that he would not be free to concentrate on further destroying the America we love.
One further thought: I almost deserted this side because of the many, vehement, screeches from local l*****ts any time Obama's name is mentioned. But then, once again, I changed my mind. Let's stick it to them and enjoy their frenzied reactions!
Me, circa 1944. Even then I knew!
Jul 2, 2014 15:52:57 #
(Main)
Hey Folks! I submitted a simple satire joking about Nancy Pelosi wanting rats to be declared an endangered species. How did it get to be a discussion on the viability of the Tea Party???
Jul 1, 2014 20:23:48 #
(Main)
It should be Nobel Prize for Piece. Did you ever see his Afghan girl friend?
Jul 1, 2014 16:58:24 #
Jul 1, 2014 08:56:40 #
Jul 1, 2014 07:02:35 #