ginnyt wrote:
Hello Rock,
There are many people who claim to be alone even when they are in a room crowded with people. This has always mystified me, but I came to the conclusion that they elect to be alone because they feel a need to be guarded about revealing anything about themselves, because someone might catch on to how little they have going on in their lives and even less to offer to any kind of relationship. The other part of this that has always made me scratch my head in wonder, when people do try to befriend such a person that individual does everything to alienate, criticize, push away, scorn, denounce, berate, and otherwise shove friendship or hope of such into the toilet and they flush often. And then to gain sympathy, they make posts about being picked on, how they are only human, how people turn against them. What they do not see, people did not turn it is they that pushed away friendship for the comfort of anonymity. Thinking being, you can only be hurt if you allow people in.
Why are people this way? I have no clue, it could be that they are born insecure and never mature or learn to trust. Could be from trauma, being hit in the head. Brain damage. Chemical imbalances...any number of medical or emotional issues. But, what is known is these types of individuals can only maintain a relationship as long as they are the center of attention and no one dares to question their position or decisions. Marriages always end in divorce because of the subservient position the spouse find themselves and the often physical abuse associated with the antisocial behavior. These people also most often are possessive, making life with them impossible. And sadly, if children are born in the relationship the child (ern) abandons the family as quickly as they can either by early marriage or running away from home. A high percentage of these personality types turn to alcohol or drugs to escape their self-imposed isolation from others. In the end, the person is miserable because they could not handle a relationship; they blame their partner or children for leaving, for their own addictions. The perceived abandonment brings its own baggage, which complicates the initial insecurities or antisocial behavior, and the cycle does not end. Bottom-line, these people die alone wondering why they are alone.
They never awaken to the fact that only they have a key, they can chose another way of living to replace existence.
Hello Rock, br br There are many people who claim... (
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Great comments ginny!
I always like to acknowledge truth when I hear or read it and, your post has many of them through and through.
I agree with you that aloneness can be a forced or even fated event but, also it can be a self-imposed sentence for many reasons. Just as there are headshy horses, there are peopleshy people and, trust is at the center in both or, loss of it I mean.
People, like any animal, is a complex sum total of life experiences. People can become guarded for a variety of reasons but at the end of the day, it comes down to losing trust or faith in either others, themselves or maybe both?
You can no more force yourself on a person, than you can an animal. They will either sense safety and come all by themselves or, sense danger and stay in the shadows. All the coxing and promises of kindness will do little to change either one's mind. The choice is made by the individual and is in noway a reflection of anything, other than how reality is being seen through another's eyes.
Trying to analyze motives for behavior is what makes paychecks for those in a certain professions, whether it's in psychiatry or veterinary disciplines. Both of these professions can help with understanding but, do very little to fix anything because they do not have the necessary cure most times and, that is just love.
I do not know rumi at all, so I'm sure he can not view anything I may write as being directed at him personally. I enjoy what this topic is turning into and that, is constructive discussion of trust and love.
Cruelty, anger, hate and abuse might be the causes for distrust and loss of faith but, love and kindness will always be the cure.
I really love this from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7,
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.I get the chills anytime I read that, because it is truth. You can see the symbiotic relationship that exists between love and trust. Take away one and the other naturally goes with it. They are conjoined twins, indivisible and, different sides of the same coin.
Marriages fail for the same reasons people do, they either weren't ever founded in love or, love quickly faded in either. That paves the way for everything of which you write.
Children leave home and family for as many reasons as there are grains of sand on a beach. If self-abuse occurs at anytime, it is because that person has stopped loving themselves. The blame and buck stops there.
You are right though, the blame is many times given to others as a guilt offering but, it's because immaturity causes people to become unable to see themselves as the problem.
Love is the key that opens many doors ginny and, it is the most misplaced key in the entire world.
Thanks for your insights!
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