You, Jesse, took magnificent care of her and even though your going to have those moments of why couldn't I do more, or what else could I have done, please try and know you held her, you wrapped her in your love and took beautiful care of her right to the end...Nothing replaces that and I pray your find your true solace in knowing you did all you could..She was ready to finish just another part of this cycle in life...And she deserved to...Just as you now deserve to be yourself again...

The hardest part I know is all this time you now have on your hands that you did not have when caring for beautiful wife...You will feel lost having it now and you will think there is something she needs now, its time, etc..Conditioned to her every need, those thoughts and feelings stay for a while but do dissipate as you find a new routine....The hardest part of that is knowing you no longer have those to do...You'll actually miss them because they were your everything...

Love is the most magnificent experience one could ever truly have..Nothing replaces it...You were very fortunate and it will now carry you through into your new Jesse life that will come in time......

Since last July, she's been amazing. I don't know how she fought it; where she got her strength? We figured things were looking up at the start of the new year. After making it through last 2015. She survived so many close calls the past eight years and last year was the hardest. She fought off an ICU stay and a mid-calf amputation. Previously, had 13 heart stents, a ruptured appendix resulting in a colostomy, so many PIC lines that failed she got a chest port installed and needed IV TPP while GI H-Pylori was addressed with IV antibiotics. Most of last year was on IV antibiotics for osteomyelitis and CRP and WBC was off the chart. Systemic Scleroderma, constant pain and dermis would peel off to the fascia, exposing tendons. Treated with multiple cadaver skin grafts and I'd dress wounds twice a day with either anacept gel, silvadene, iodosorb or wound vac depending on the wound condition. She hadn't been able to tolerate solid food, survived on Boost, yogurt, milkshakes and coffee with whipped cream for calories. The April 3rd hospitalization was just going to be routine blood transfusion and extra immunoglobulin and steroid therapy and come back home stronger, like all the other times treating CIDP.

Instead, the better part of April was a fight and the team of MDs exhausted all options and could no longer prevent the immune system from attacking organs.

We were lucky that she got to say goodbye to family. I held her hand when it was her time.

We were lucky that we were together since age 15 and were never apart.

Life is very hard without her yet I know when the MD's had no advice and she felt and knew it was time, I wanted her to be relieved of suffering. I'd rather take the fight of living without her than have her continue to suffer. That helps but I lover her so much, I know we are lucky in many ways but I also suffer because we had reasoned and hoped for another chance to get by and move on to the next dream, next goal together.

Since last July, she's been amazing. I don't know how she fought it; where she got her strength? We figured things were looking up at the start of the new year. After making it through last 2015. She survived so many close calls the past eight years and last year was the hardest. She fought off an ICU stay and a mid-calf amputation. Previously, had 13 heart stents, a ruptured appendix resulting in a colostomy, so many PIC lines that failed she got a chest port installed and needed IV TPP while GI H-Pylori was addressed with IV antibiotics. Most of last year was on IV antibiotics for osteomyelitis and CRP and WBC was off the chart. Systemic Scleroderma, constant pain and dermis would peel off to the fascia, exposing tendons. Treated with multiple cadaver skin grafts and I'd dress wounds twice a day with either anacept gel, silvadene, iodosorb or wound vac depending on the wound condition. She hadn't been able to tolerate solid food, survived on Boost, yogurt, milkshakes and coffee with whipped cream for calories. The April 3rd hospitalization was just going to be routine blood transfusion and extra immunoglobulin and steroid therapy and come back home stronger, like all the other times treating CIDP.

Instead, the better part of April was a fight and the team of MDs exhausted all options and could no longer prevent the immune system from attacking organs.

We were lucky that she got to say goodbye to family. I held her hand when it was her time.

We were lucky that we were together since age 15 and were never apart.

Life is very hard without her yet I know when the MD's had no advice and she felt and knew it was time, I wanted her to be relieved of suffering. I'd rather take the fight of living without her than have her continue to suffer. That helps but I lover her so much, I know we are lucky in many ways but I also suffer because we had reasoned and hoped for another chance to get by and move on to the next dream, next goal together.

Thank You, Jesse..I speak from experience, having cared for my mother and she recently passing..A long difficult 2 yrs of her agony I could any help subside...

I look at this way, she brought me into the world, it was only fitting that I kept her home as she wished and was allowed to hold her in my arms as she left this world..

You will eventually have similar feelings in knowing you did in fact give her all of you in your excellent care of and love to her!! A blessing....May God watch over and keep you, always..Walk with pride my friend..You did the very best!!!!

Her bright, and beautiful smile will linger in your heart and memory always.

You lost the love of your life, but you were so blessed to have known such a love. It is a sorry soul who goes through life never having loved, or being loved.
No doubt several of us have known that love, and then had to face the loss, but as fighters we keep moving forward, always with hope.

It is hard to imagine the pain and suffering your wife went through. When a loved one suffers like that, we reach a point where we are ready to accept God taking them home.
Then, when He does bring them home, we feel guilty. I went through that when my son died, it hurts, but they no longer have to hurt.

Each of us, who have lost a spouse, suffer that loss in our own personal way. Everyone has their own way of accepting a painful change in their life.
I felt blessed to have our last 5 months together be so special. I still walk through the house and talk to him.
In time, we find the good memories are what keep us going.

Our prayers will be with you, and He will guide you.