UncleJesse Loc: Hazzard Co, GA

Since last July, she's been amazing. I don't know how she fought it; where she got her strength? We figured things were looking up at the start of the new year. After making it through last 2015. She survived so many close calls the past eight years and last year was the hardest. She fought off an ICU stay and a mid-calf amputation. Previously, had 13 heart stents, a ruptured appendix resulting in a colostomy, so many PIC lines that failed she got a chest port installed and needed IV TPP while GI H-Pylori was addressed with IV antibiotics. Most of last year was on IV antibiotics for osteomyelitis and CRP and WBC was off the chart. Systemic Scleroderma, constant pain and dermis would peel off to the fascia, exposing tendons. Treated with multiple cadaver skin grafts and I'd dress wounds twice a day with either anacept gel, silvadene, iodosorb or wound vac depending on the wound condition. She hadn't been able to tolerate solid food, survived on Boost, yogurt, milkshakes and coffee with whipped cream for calories. The April 3rd hospitalization was just going to be routine blood t***sfusion and extra immunoglobulin and steroid therapy and come back home stronger, like all the other times treating CIDP.

Instead, the better part of April was a fight and the team of MDs exhausted all options and could no longer prevent the i****e s****m from attacking organs.

We were lucky that she got to say goodbye to family. I held her hand when it was her time.

We were lucky that we were together since age 15 and were never apart.

Life is very hard without her yet I know when the MD's had no advice and she felt and knew it was time, I wanted her to be relieved of suffering. I'd rather take the fight of living without her than have her continue to suffer. That helps but I lover her so much, I know we are lucky in many ways but I also suffer because we had reasoned and hoped for another chance to get by and move on to the next dream, next goal together.

tugboat

Sorry for your loss and her suffering.Just have to be thankful for the time you had together.Hopefully you'll be reunited someday.

moldyoldy

15, that is a long time, I know it is too much of a loss to bear, but you have to continue. I have missed your wise counsel.

UncleJesse Loc: Hazzard Co, GA

Thank you, I guess I was ready to write about it and yes, definitely I still consider her my wife and that we are together in a bond despite the whole "to death do us part" thing.

UncleJesse Loc: Hazzard Co, GA

That really lifted my spirits and I want you to know that I admire your advice and opinion. She was a big fan of liberals and Hillary Clinton and I suppose that lent me an ear to all of their ideas. I noticed there's always a ring of t***h in what you write especially, "The democrats care about people, the GOP cares about the rich". I think that another way of saying that is the libs believe in directly aiding folks while the cons believe a more indirect approach is more appropriate to avoid abuse.

I tend to believe the libs more the past few years in all that's happened in the nation, world-wide plus my wife's personal experience yet, I still have a belief that if you continue that approach to governing, people tend to take advantage and rely on it too much.

I think we can get to a median result that avoids over compensating both the rich and the needy (need a better explanation here, how can the needy be over compensated?).

lindajoy Loc: right here with you....

Of course you do..She is and always will be...So very sorry to read this and yet, rejoice that she is finally free of all that suffering and at peace..You gave her You..Nothing more sacred than that Jesse..You breathed life into her when she had those days of pain and agony...

Fear not in her passing, she is with you and always will be..Remember her often, cry, get angry that she left you and when all that has taken place, simply love her as you always did and always will..She knows.....

May your days become easier, may you smile in the memory of that great love you shared with her and may you give much Thanks for all those wonderful years of a magnificent love that is not was, but is everything.....

You need someone to talk to, scream at, or cry with you, PM me...

Super Dave Loc: Realville, USA

God bless you.

Life is so precious. Every life.

I pray that your sadness wanes and leaves nothing but the wonderful memories in its place.

UncleJesse Loc: Hazzard Co, GA

That is great advice and it makes sense but despite that, it is still, you know.

I know we are so fortunate to have been inseparable since we were kids yet, with all that we went through together and with me carrying her to the potty and bathing her and washing hair and doing IV antibiotics 3x/day and other IV meds each day and seeing drastic improvements and opting out of a triple bypass for multiple c****ary stents, and opting out of a mid-calf amputation and it worked...

Thank you for your kind words and letting me express now that I'm ready. She suffered so much. She would cry out in her sleep and I'd pray that she would not suffer. I always thought the systemic scleroderma would cause an organ failure but instead the CIDP attacked the organs. When she was in a state of continuous involuntary movements twitching and jumping and the therapy only lasted a day when it had been lasting a month...she felt herself slipping and said she felt better but also felt as though she lost a part of herself.

You are kind and I appreciate your kindness and understanding. I love her so much. She would open her eyes periodically in hospice on the morphine drip and was able to communicate and as the time approached would mouth "I love you". On the drip with valium bolus and other bolus I ordered, she was not suffering with pain or continuous twitching. She was still paralyzed but I would shift her, wash her with her favorite neutrogina and bath powder. I made sure the IV steroids and zophran were continued to the end and changed her clothes.

She would have done even better had I been the one to get sick instead.

UncleJesse Loc: Hazzard Co, GA

Thank you and I really need to focus on how fortunate we were to have each other so long and the love and the bond and so many memories and so many dreams fulfilled that should really comfort me instead of wishing how things could've been had there been a chance to overcome the illnesses.

I especially want to thank you for your prayers because prayer is so very important to me.

moldyoldy

This is a time for love and reflection on a life well lived. We all share your grief even though we did not know her, we do care about you. We hope you can find some peace.

lindajoy Loc: right here with you....

Amen!!!

UncleJesse Loc: Hazzard Co, GA

I thought I'd add some old pictures of us

Kids going to Junior Prom


As kids enjoying summer vacation

lindajoy Loc: right here with you....

You, Jesse, took magnificent care of her and even though your going to have those moments of why couldn't I do more, or what else could I have done, please try and know you held her, you wrapped her in your love and took beautiful care of her right to the end...Nothing replaces that and I pray your find your true solace in knowing you did all you could..She was ready to finish just another part of this cycle in life...And she deserved to...Just as you now deserve to be yourself again...

The hardest part I know is all this time you now have on your hands that you did not have when caring for beautiful wife...You will feel lost having it now and you will think there is something she needs now, its time, etc..Conditioned to her every need, those thoughts and feelings stay for a while but do dissipate as you find a new routine....The hardest part of that is knowing you no longer have those to do...You'll actually miss them because they were your everything...

Love is the most magnificent experience one could ever truly have..Nothing replaces it...You were very fortunate and it will now carry you through into your new Jesse life that will come in time......

moldyoldy

A good looking couple.

lindajoy Loc: right here with you....

Simply beautiful..........How nice...Thank You, Jesse........