Since last July, she's been amazing. I don't know how she fought it; where she got her strength? We figured things were looking up at the start of the new year. After making it through last 2015. She survived so many close calls the past eight years and last year was the hardest. She fought off an ICU stay and a mid-calf amputation. Previously, had 13 heart stents, a ruptured appendix resulting in a colostomy, so many PIC lines that failed she got a chest port installed and needed IV TPP while GI H-Pylori was addressed with IV antibiotics. Most of last year was on IV antibiotics for osteomyelitis and CRP and WBC was off the chart. Systemic Scleroderma, constant pain and dermis would peel off to the fascia, exposing tendons. Treated with multiple cadaver skin grafts and I'd dress wounds twice a day with either anacept gel, silvadene, iodosorb or wound vac depending on the wound condition. She hadn't been able to tolerate solid food, survived on Boost, yogurt, milkshakes and coffee with whipped cream for calories. The April 3rd hospitalization was just going to be routine blood transfusion and extra immunoglobulin and steroid therapy and come back home stronger, like all the other times treating CIDP.

Instead, the better part of April was a fight and the team of MDs exhausted all options and could no longer prevent the immune system from attacking organs.

We were lucky that she got to say goodbye to family. I held her hand when it was her time.

We were lucky that we were together since age 15 and were never apart.

Life is very hard without her yet I know when the MD's had no advice and she felt and knew it was time, I wanted her to be relieved of suffering. I'd rather take the fight of living without her than have her continue to suffer. That helps but I lover her so much, I know we are lucky in many ways but I also suffer because we had reasoned and hoped for another chance to get by and move on to the next dream, next goal together.

Since last July, she's been amazing. I don't know how she fought it; where she got her strength? We figured things were looking up at the start of the new year. After making it through last 2015. She survived so many close calls the past eight years and last year was the hardest. She fought off an ICU stay and a mid-calf amputation. Previously, had 13 heart stents, a ruptured appendix resulting in a colostomy, so many PIC lines that failed she got a chest port installed and needed IV TPP while GI H-Pylori was addressed with IV antibiotics. Most of last year was on IV antibiotics for osteomyelitis and CRP and WBC was off the chart. Systemic Scleroderma, constant pain and dermis would peel off to the fascia, exposing tendons. Treated with multiple cadaver skin grafts and I'd dress wounds twice a day with either anacept gel, silvadene, iodosorb or wound vac depending on the wound condition. She hadn't been able to tolerate solid food, survived on Boost, yogurt, milkshakes and coffee with whipped cream for calories. The April 3rd hospitalization was just going to be routine blood transfusion and extra immunoglobulin and steroid therapy and come back home stronger, like all the other times treating CIDP.

Instead, the better part of April was a fight and the team of MDs exhausted all options and could no longer prevent the immune system from attacking organs.

We were lucky that she got to say goodbye to family. I held her hand when it was her time.

We were lucky that we were together since age 15 and were never apart.

Life is very hard without her yet I know when the MD's had no advice and she felt and knew it was time, I wanted her to be relieved of suffering. I'd rather take the fight of living without her than have her continue to suffer. That helps but I lover her so much, I know we are lucky in many ways but I also suffer because we had reasoned and hoped for another chance to get by and move on to the next dream, next goal together.

Hello Jesse, you don't know me as I am mostly just a 'reader' of OPP for the last 3 years. I don't know your pain yet of losing the love of your life, but I live in fear every day of it being the last day of being with my love. I know only with the grace of God, will I be able to bear the pain. I'm so very sorry for your loss! She was a very beautiful young woman and I'm sure she was just as beautiful in later years. She was so blessed to have a man to love and support her thru all the years, as you were blessed to have hers. Not all couples have that kind of love. May God give you comfort and strength to finish the life that He has blessed you with. Sam W.

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Dear Jesse,
I think I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my hubby of 42 years in 2006, and even though I knew he had major health problems, I had never wrapped my head around the obvious fact that I was going to lose him. When I could no longer deny the obvious, that he was at death's door, the bottom fell out of my world. But my mind was torn between the shock and sadness that I would not be able to take him home again from the hospital and the feeling of relief that his suffering would be ending, probably before the day was over. Even when I talk about it even as I write this note to you, the tears come. I feel your pain and nothing I or anyone else can do will relieve you of it. But God has given us a means of relief......TIME. The pain eventually grows dimmer and dimmer......doesn't seem to really go away, but becomes bearable. In the beginning one thinks it will NEVER be bearable, but, truly Jesse, it will become bearable and life will go on. I feel sorrow for you, but have all the faith in the world that the severe heaviness of your sorrow will lessen. Sounds like your wife had quite a struggle, and I am happy for her that she now has total and complete relief from her pains and worries. Each of you were so very lucky to have had each other. She would want you to be happy for her obtaining relief from her suffering. Hang in there, Jesse. Time is a healer.

I feel your pain. I lost my wife Linda 19 years ago to a massive brain aneurysm. Just drinking coffee together and the next thing I knew she was on the floor screaming and holding her head. When she was pronounced brain dead They took me into a room with a 19 year old boy with a terrible head injury. They told me the boy would live only If I gave up the machine that was keeping her alive for him. They gave me time to drive through the night to get her parents so they could say goodbye. Then I had to pull the plug. Life went on for me. I was mentally unable to work and left things up to my employees. Then gradually I started living again. It took a long time for me to quit constantly going to her grave. After all of these years I still think of her each day. I got remarried to a friend I have known since she was 15 years old. I now have 2 beautiful grandchildren I am raising and at age 62 I am still working like a slave roofing houses. Life changed but I managed to keep my head and things did get better. Good luck to you. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you all the best. You are a tough man and I have a feeling you will be ok. Your timely posts are missed. I'll look forward to your wisdom in the future.

I don't know you but you certainly have my sympathies. At least you have this debate forum and I presume a few children with grandchildren to occupy the otherwise lonely hours. Getting old can certainly be a bitch for so many, especially those last couple years. I'm sure we all hope and pray your last years will be much easier. I think most of us on this debate forum are in the sunset of our years and are thankful for this debate forum to give us something to do that adds a little more purpose and human exchange regardless of which political side we're on. It sounds like at least you had considerable luck through most of your years to get what apparently seems to be the love of your life and kept it all intact for the large majority of your life. That certainly puts you well ahead of the average American in lucking out on this planet beyond your luck of just being born in America. Best of luck and here's hoping you have a continuing good life with many more years to go.