Boo_Boo Loc: Jellystone

The directions are on the left side of the screen, nothing to remember............look left, see the smiley faces, under see the word "Tags"? That is directions for all actions.

rumitoid

you may be right about changing yourself; my experience is different: change is always-ALWAYS-a mystery and surprise, so evidently I am not in charge of change.

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

Would that be the shared "brains " you all pass among yourselves?

Boo_Boo Loc: Jellystone

AuntiE, are you saying that men have a single brain that they schedule for use? Now that explains a lot of things! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

And some miss their appointment while on OPP. :shock: :mrgreen: :twisted:

Boo_Boo Loc: Jellystone

No shocker there! I think some live here, they have a nice little bed, a frig, and all the company they can handle.

bahmer

You two should be nice now you are starting to sound like a hen party. This is of course meant in the nicest and sweetest way possible.

Dave Loc: Upstate New York

We make conscious decisions to forgive, but the act of forgetting is an unconscious one.

rumitoid

I agree, which is why we can forget. Forgiveness is never about the other person, whether in whatever stage.

RetNavyCWO Loc: VA suburb of DC

Ginny, I read through all of the responses expecting that someone else would provide a similar answer to mine, but no one did. So here goes:

When someone wrongs me and sincerely apologizes (that "sincerely" part is important), I will forgive them in a heartbeat and never hold their transgression against them in the future. I can't forget what they did, though. That seems to me to be like trying to not see the elephant in the room. However, the way I process that memory makes all the difference in the world to both my happiness and my relationship with the other person.

If the person was truly sincerely apologetic, the transgression becomes merged in my memory with the apology. None of us is perfect. We all make mistakes. If we can recognize that the person made a mistake, even if that mistake was lashing out in a fit of anger, our memory of the transgression can be coupled with the apology in such a way that the memory is overwhelmingly one of forgiveness, recognizing that the actual transgression was simply a matter of being human.

Carrying grudges around with us can get awfully heavy!

I, like most others I imagine, have been wronged many times in my life. Mine includes neglect and physical abuse as a child from both my mother and my father. I can't forget that abuse, but I recognize the human frailty that caused it and forgave them for it. My forgiveness of them puts their transgressions in a comfortable place in my heart and mind. I do the same today when I am wronged, especially (but not necessarily only if) it is followed by a sincere apology. I forgive many people for wronging me even without an apology. People screw up. It's human nature. Holding grudges only eats at us. Doing so does nothing to the transgressor and only creates bitterness in ourselves. Forgiveness frees us to be happy.

Tyster

I agree with most of what you said. The benefit of forgiveness is how we handle the transgression against us. However, forgetting is another item all together. Depending on the severity of the transgression, we have to deal with how, if at all, we deal with the person who committed it. Shaft me once, shame on you; shaft me twice, shame on me. With forgiveness we free ourselves from the discomfort or pain that was caused. Forgetting would be subjecting ourselves to the risk of a repeat transgression.

She Wolf Loc: Currently Georgia

[quote=ginnyt]I have a discussion going on with my neighbor. She says that when you forgive someone it is alright not to forget. I argue that when you truly forgive then you must forget the transgression. What is you opinion? I know that there is no science behind this, just me wondering if I am unusual in my belief.

Thanks[/quo

I can forgive quite easily. It really depends upon the transgression. If it is a matter of trust, I don't forget. I am a little more careful in sharing with the person. If I say I forgive you, I do not bring the subject up again.

In my family there is a saying: First time shame on you, Second time shame on me.

Btfkr Loc: just outside the Mile High City

Ohhh yeah. I think changing myself takes help from outside myself, and I don't mean another person...

Btfkr Loc: just outside the Mile High City

Ohhh yeah. I think changing myself takes help from outside myself, and I don't mean another person...