There is a simple way of thinking, shorn of sophisticated wordsmanship, hyperbolic reasoning, and tons of metaphors. Some intellectuals find it difficult or even impossible to address their area of expertise without the armory of technical jargon they invent and surround themselves with daily.
So, what am I trying to say? Well, I would like to talk a bit about some important things here, but in a tone and cadence that belies how emotional I can get, and how physically draining such attempts are to talk about very serious subjects with deep meaning to many people using the most straightforward terms and structures
One of the notions in my mind is that of marriage. And that notion calls out a host of other subjects such as fathering children, and what that entails for the following decades of life. Money rears it's head, money to provide a decent style of living, money for education, money for vacations, and so a job for me to make the money, earn raises, and achieve my goals, and live that style the wife and children want to become used to.
What about you? What happens as time goes by?
You need a nice house in a nice neighborhood, a car to get around with, a yard for the children and the dog to play in. Yes, a dog, and perhaps a cat too. In this process of acquiring a lifestyle you find yourself with a mortgage and an auto loan, because that salary your job brings in just isn't enough to go around all at once. Marriage gradually shifts from romance and roses to a more settled routine that is less oriented towards capers in the bedroom, or in other convenient places. Less but not least!
To be able to afford more things like nice furniture and more dinners out, and the good-looking clothes one must wear to keep up appearances, the wife gets a job and hires babysitters and childcare services, thus barely eking out a profitable surplus to splurge upon. She needs a car too. She gets the family car, and you get the second-hand auto just for going to work and runs to the store, or out to the gym, or the golf course.
This is such an ordinary life in America. But there is always a busy mind behind this ordinariness. A brooding mind begins to look at things more closely. In order to assure that the children have the opportunity to grow up within a Christian church the family attends Sunday services and the children the usual Sunday School. This exposes you to the Bible, and all the mind filling concepts you could possibly ask for. God looms large in your mind! You now have explicit knowledge of so many things:
God created everything, especially us! The universe
began at his command, We became sinners. God gave us ten commandments to live by, and a whole book full of other guidance we should follow. Jesus lived and died on the cross for our sins, was resurrected and ascended into Heaven. We approach God through Jesus. Jesus is our savior, our salvation.
You follow Jesus closely, and in your daily life you are a model citizen, you obey the law, you lead a moral existence, you v**e thoughtfully, you pay your taxes, you live with perhaps a few minor bad habits like smoking and a bit of alcohol now and again, but no hard drugs, no marijuana. This is a reasonably normal life with normal pleasures. You like parties, dancing, and watching pretty girls (when the wife isn't paying attention) and what man doesn't?
Years pass.
You become more successful, even moving to another city for better pay and a promotion, and your lifestyle improves accordingly. With the new job goes more responsibility, and it takes ever longer work hours to do the job properly, and, of course, with no overtime pay. You are donating 20 or 30 hours a week to the company, hoping you are recognized appropriately.
It seems to you, though, that the more you do the more you are asked to do by the company. You begin to realize that the old study that says 80% of the work gets done by 20% of the staff is quite true. And you are part of the 20%, but not moving up the ladder fast enough to warrant the overload.
Now it hits you hard! What are you doing with your life? This treadmill you are on doesn't seem to lead anywhere. The daily grind seems to have become a real grind overnight, instead of an adventure, a challenge, and a purpose.
The wife tells you the same thing! She is questioning your whole existence together. Somehow you have spent far too many years in this rat-race hopefully called your preferred lifestyle. Yes, you had your children. Yes, you both have had successful careers, so far. Yes, you do have a comfortable existence, but neither of you are really satisfied somehow.
What is the problem?
Is it a feeling of futility in life. That life has become simply a drudgery.
Is it the first onset of fear in your life, that you realize you are mortal, and have only so many years left to do something you can be proud of? Does this give you late night terrors?
Is it a loss of faith in God, and the promise of Heaven?
Is it questioning your love for your wife and children?
Is it the stresses of financial problems, worrying about the next payments on your debts?
Is it fear that you may be on the next layoff list by your company?
Is it the fear that you may be losing the love of your wife?
Is it the fear of a medical issue that had crept onto you suddenly?
Is it the constant perception that catastrophes can occur at any moment: nuclear war; tornadoes; hurricanes, an asteroid hit, a flood, you name it?
Many other issues are possible, obviously!
Thinking long and hard about these serious problems can be really off putting, causing you to spiral down into a funk! This can be much worse if you see more than one or two of these problems to be hot for you all at once. And that is not unusual!
Some people have the innate ability to absorb such stresses in life and forthrightly think and plan their way out of the morass and back into their comfort zone. Others need some kind of help to set them onto a constructive path. This can occur from your Minister, a close friend, or even an advisory group.
Unfortunately, there are those who cannot change course and dig themselves out! What may follow is not pleasant for all around them. Serious mental challenges need professional help, but few are able to accept it before a crisis occurs. There are many modes of crisis, from overindulging in alcohol, to forms of domestic violence, to threats of suicide, and on and on.
Interestingly, there seems to be an ameliorating factor for each threat to our existence! All of them require you to stand up and take notice, be open to solutions, and to use your God given brains to start thinking
Futility? Work hard on a new set of goals for life. Occupy your mind with new possibilities.
Fear of Mortality? Prayer and a good sleeping medicine just might put your fears to bed.
Loss of faith? Conversation with God. Learn how! You can do it, and it does work wonders!
Losing your wife's love? You need to communicate with her, love her, and tell her how much she means to you, often! If that doesn't dispel your fears, you need counseling.
A medical problem? The earlier you see a doctor the better. Postponing the inevitable can cost you dearly.
Finances gone awry? Tote it up and go see a financial advisor. Do not go to a bank! Get your credit up first.
Fear of a layoff? Start applying for other jobs. Try to keep an offer in your pocket at all times. then go see your manager and have a frank chat with him. Be ready to accept the other offer!
Fear of Catastrophe? Study the problem to find out how possible such catastrophes are where you are located, what competent advisors say about their frequency, and what you can do to help ameliorate the possibilities. Knowledge will help you to put your fears into perspective. In the end, a fatalistic attitude just might be called for.
In seemingly every case, the answer for you is to increase your knowledge of the situation, and to rely upon others that have the knowledge you don't have. Then too, one of the actions you should take is to become intensely involved in finding your own solutions, not sitting back and moaning.
Ultimately, it is you that must develop your own coping sk**ls, your appreciation of the odds for future events to happen, and your control of your fears through direct attack upon them.
An often-overlooked help too is consistent exercise, that refreshes your body and mind in many ways, allowing you to look at the world from a different perspective.
One aspect you must take into consideration. That of the very positive and worthwhile life you constructed, lived in for years, the people that you both loved and benefited and the legacy you are leaving for the future: your children. Think of them, Think of all the pluses here! Look back to the good things and give them their due!
Am I being out of line to offer my advice? Perhaps so, but I have lived a very long life, 92 years, and I have faced every one of the problems I write about here. The simplistic-seeming solutions I gave here were from my personal experience and they worked for me. I hope they can work for others if they are used and pursued properly.
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There is a simple way of thinking, shorn of sophis... (
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