Old_Gringo wrote:
The Importance of Exercise:
Walking can add minutes to your life..
This enables you at 85 years old
To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
Home at $4,000 per month
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My grandpa started walking
Five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
And we have no idea where the hell he is.
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I like long walks,
Especially when they are taken
By people who annoy me.
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The only reason I would take up walking
Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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I have to walk early in the morning,
Before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
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Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
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I do have flabby thighs,
But fortunately my stomach covers them.
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The advantage of exercising every day
Is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'
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If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
Start with a small country.
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I know I got a lot of exercise
The last few years,......
Just getting over the hill.
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We all get heavier as we get older,
Because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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Every time I start thinking too much
About how I look,
I just find a pub with a Happy Hour
And by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
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You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them!
It will save you the walk!
The Importance of Exercise: br br Walking can add... (
show quote)
A small zoo in Fayetteville, North Carolina obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the zoo keeper thought of Larry, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Larry, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The zoo keeper thought they might have a solution.
Larry was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Larry showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:
"First" , Larry said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second" , he said, "she must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third", he said, you can never tell anyone about this the keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Fourth" , Larry said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.
"And last ", Larry said, "I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00".