A small zoo in Fayetteville, North Carolina obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.


Thinking about their problem, the zoo keeper thought of Larry, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Larry, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The zoo keeper thought they might have a solution.


Larry was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?


Larry showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:


"First" , Larry said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The keeper quickly agreed to this condition.


"Second" , he said, "she must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.


"Third", he said, you can never tell anyone about this the keeper again readily agreed to this condition.


"Fourth" , Larry said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.


"And last ", Larry said, "I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00".

The Importance of Exercise:

Walking can add minutes to your life..

This enables you at 85 years old

To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing

Home at $4,000 per month

-------------------------------------------------------------------

My grandpa started walking

Five miles a day when he was 60.

Now he's 97 years old

And we have no idea where the hell he is.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I like long walks,

Especially when they are taken

By people who annoy me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The only reason I would take up walking

Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

***************************************************

I have to walk early in the morning,

Before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

-----------------------------------------------------------


Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',

I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

----------------------------------------------------------


I do have flabby thighs,

But fortunately my stomach covers them.

********************************************

The advantage of exercising every day

Is so when you die, they'll say,

'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

****************************************

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,

Start with a small country.

*************************************

I know I got a lot of exercise

The last few years,......

Just getting over the hill.

---------------------------------------------


We all get heavier as we get older,

Because there's a lot more information in our heads.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

**************************************

Every time I start thinking too much

About how I look,

I just find a pub with a Happy Hour

And by the time I leave,

I look just fine.

-----------------------------------------------


You could run this over to your friends

But just e-mail it to them!

It will save you the walk!

The Importance of Exercise:

Walking can add minutes to your life..

This enables you at 85 years old

To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing

Home at $4,000 per month

-------------------------------------------------------------------

My grandpa started walking

Five miles a day when he was 60.

Now he's 97 years old

And we have no idea where the hell he is.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I like long walks,

Especially when they are taken

By people who annoy me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The only reason I would take up walking

Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

***************************************************

I have to walk early in the morning,

Before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

-----------------------------------------------------------


Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',

I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

----------------------------------------------------------


I do have flabby thighs,

But fortunately my stomach covers them.

********************************************

The advantage of exercising every day

Is so when you die, they'll say,

'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

****************************************

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,

Start with a small country.

*************************************

I know I got a lot of exercise

The last few years,......

Just getting over the hill.

---------------------------------------------


We all get heavier as we get older,

Because there's a lot more information in our heads.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

**************************************

Every time I start thinking too much

About how I look,

I just find a pub with a Happy Hour

And by the time I leave,

I look just fine.

-----------------------------------------------


You could run this over to your friends

But just e-mail it to them!

It will save you the walk!

If there is anything I can't stand it's exercising until you begin to sweat. It makes me feel like I immediately need to jump into a shower. To me any exercise that causes you to sweat seems so lame brained stupid to me I have been known to yell out to sweaty joggers "Medical science has determined that you only have so many heartbeats and so many breaths to take ----- Why speed them up?". My neighbor who is an exercise nut used to run all over the city. He has screwed up his ankles and a knee. So now you see him racing around town on his bicycle all the time. I think he can't figure out why he looks six or seven years older than me when he's four years younger. I think he's burning up his life force with all that exercise. He's also an avid pot smoker and had a brain tumor a couple years ago. (It is said that marijuana increases incidences of such head and neck problems) Oh by the way, he's a total libtard and loves Obama. We would probably be good friends except I can't talk politics with him. He's a blame America 1st guy and when I try, he always starts going ballistic about Bush and us going into other people's countries. Yeah, we should never have gone into those ingreat Muslim nations, discovered oil there, given them the technology and equipment to get it out of the ground and then paid them for it. I'll admit we'd of been better off leaving them living in their tents and riding around on camels, instead of corrupting them with our Western technology.

A small zoo in Fayetteville, North Carolina obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.


Thinking about their problem, the zoo keeper thought of Larry, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Larry, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The zoo keeper thought they might have a solution.


Larry was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?


Larry showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:


"First" , Larry said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The keeper quickly agreed to this condition.


"Second" , he said, "she must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.


"Third", he said, you can never tell anyone about this the keeper again readily agreed to this condition.


"Fourth" , Larry said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.


"And last ", Larry said, "I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00".