LEWISTON, ME—In the hours following a violent rampage in Maine in which a lone attacker killed at least 16 individuals and injured numerous others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Wednesday 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆.

“This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Idaho resident Peter Carter, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep this individual from snapping and killing a lot of people if that’s what they really wanted.”

At press time, residents of the only economically advanced nation in the world where roughly two mass shootings have occurred every month for the past eight years were referring to themselves and their situation as “helpless.”

https://www.theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-r-1850961776