Welcome ladies and gentleman I am your announcer J Florio. The contestants will be loaded into the starting gate shortly. Todays starter is Jerry A. Take a bow Jerry. Over hear idiot. You're facing the wrong way. That's better. Todays race features eight of OPP's most steadfast liberals. Here they come. They are being led to the starting gate by the outriders as we speak. Number one is KHH1. Oh no his outrider just knocked him off his horse and is beating the shit out of him for calling the outrider racist. KHH1 has been scratched. His fat lip is even fatter. Next being led to the gate is Glaucon. What's the problem now? Glaucon has stopped his horse and is trying to psychoanalyze the starter Jerry A. Good luck with that. Next comes Bad Bab. Finally going into the gate and asking his outrider to take pictures of him. Glaucon won't shut up and has now been scratched. Here comes Peter S. His horse looks a little lame. Right front leg looks a little limp. Come on Peter. Turn around you don't go in the gate butt first. There you go. Next comes Moldy Oldy. Looks like his colors were made in the Civil War. Oh well he is old. Moldy just stopped and refuses to go any further. What's that? He says he will not be led anywhere by an outrider on a white horse. Moldy Oldy has been scratched. Here comes the liberal crowd favorite. Richard. Richard never knows when he's beat. He may still be going around in circles after the race. The last two to be loaded are tdsnest who seems loaded already and the green entry, Permafrost.
They are all finally in the gate and ready. Jerry, Jerry over hear. Press the green button. What we won't do to get a tax write off.
They're off.
Richard and tdsnest break first followed by Bad Bob and Permafrost with Peter S bringing up the rear. There in the first turn and, Good Lord Richard has gone wide , is pulling up to take a dump in front of the crowd. Permafrost has stopped and jumped down to clean it up. He truly is green. Now on the lead is Bad Bob. Just look at that smile. He is followed closely by tdsnest who seems to be swaying a bit in the saddle. Wiping up the rear is Peter S. They have passed the third quarter and heading to the stretch with no change in position. They are coming down the stretch. Bad Bob in the lead followed closely by tdsnest and Peter S. Bad Bob is pulling up. What the hell. He has stopped to take a selfie. Nest is now in the lead. Oh know. He is riding towards the crowd. He is belittling a patron for being a , what? corporate elite and wasting tax payer money gambling. Peter S now has the lead. He is riding to the finish line backwards. 20 yards to the finish and it will be all Peter S.. You have got to be kidding. Peter S has stopped. He is getting off his horse and is staring at something. Looks like a rainbow.
The moral of this story. This group has no winners.

Good one, JF. How about this for the prog babes?

________________________________________________

"OK, OK, girls, this is a nude mud wrestling match, not a kissing contest. Alicia, get your fat butt outa Jelun's face."

"Dance Therapist, take off the tutu, baby, show us what ya got."

"No, there is no pole dancing in this match. It's slithering, slipping and slapping in slimy slop all the way."

"Anigav, put your G-string and bra back on and get your skinny ass out of here, only genuine females are allowed."

"Listen up, girls and wenches, the rules are these: When the gun goes off, you all jump into the mud. You must land on your feet and remain standing in place until the gun goes off again. If you slip and fall on the start jump, you will be penalized fifteen points."

"DO. NOT. JUMP. THE. GUN. If you attack before you hear the second gunshot, you will be hobbled at the ankles and your right foot will be tied to your left breast."

By the way, Eff Wy Eye, maintenance tells us they were unable to clean out all the horse sh!t that's mixed in the mud, so try not to swallow too much of it. Since you are already full of it, no sense in overdoing it."

"Now, before the second gunshot, this is a good time to pick your target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it. Hat tip to dear old Saul. Experience has shown that you should, while you are still fresh and full of vinegar, pick the biggest, most formidable opponent in the bunch. You be the judge, but remember, exhaustion could get you killed. At the very least, you will end up so full of horse sh!t that we'll need to apply a suction pump to prevent stomach rupture. You'd be pretty sick for a long time if that happened. Obamacare probably covers swallowed sh!t, but why risk it?"

"What, Jellyfish?"

"No, the gun is not loaded with real bullets. Just like the crap you shoot over at OPP, the gun shoots blanks."

"No, he won't shoot the blank at you. Even if he did, it wouldn't hurt much."

"What?"

"Yes, if he shot you at close range with a blank it would definitely singe your pubic hair."

"Awright, chop, chop, let's get the show on the road. Final rule: Once you're situated in the mud and the gun goes off, there are no rules."

"Ready."

"Set."

BLAM

SPLUSH

"Oh sh!t. What the f*ck? SOMEBODY GET MAINTENANCE UP HERE."

(long pause)

"Yessir. Sup?"

"They're gone, Jake. Lookit that. They're gone."

"Whose gone, sir?"

"The women, dammit. They disappeared."

"What women?"

"The OPP mud wrestlers, you idiot. We fired the gun, they jumped in there, and SLURP, they went under."

"Oh, Snap! I'm sorry, sir. JerryA must have nailed up the wrong sign above the door. This is the sewage disposal tank. Mud wrestling is three doors down."

"Oh, well hell, guess we saved a little money. Don't have to give those fruitcakes all these cheap-assed booby prizes."

"Want me to flush the tank, sir?"

"Yeah, Jake. Flush it. Got any beer?"