The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA)

President Barack Obama and the Democratic Senate are considering sweeping
legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The
Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal
by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real sk**ls or
ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive
necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said
California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and
passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be
able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply
because they have some idea of what they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference, former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal
Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without
regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of
Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No
Ability (63 percent).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles
but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense
of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be
given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.
The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote
a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management
positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that
agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new
measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the
non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as,
"Do you have any sk**ls or experience that relate to this job?"

"As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have
something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a
lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to
remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. "This new law should be real good for
people like me. I'll finally have job security." With the passage of this
bill, Gertz and millions of other lazy, untalented citizens will finally see
a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Sen. Dick Durbin,IL: "As a senator with no abilities, I believe the
same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every
American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and
every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort
of space to take up in this great nation and a great salary for doing so."

This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Kathleen Sebelius, Al Sharpton,
Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barack Obama.

The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA)

President Barack Obama and the Democratic Senate are considering sweeping
legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The
Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal
by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real sk**ls or
ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive
necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said
California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and
passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be
able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply
because they have some idea of what they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference, former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal
Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without
regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of
Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No
Ability (63 percent).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles
but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense
of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be
given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.
The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote
a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management
positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that
agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new
measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the
non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as,
"Do you have any sk**ls or experience that relate to this job?"

"As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have
something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a
lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to
remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. "This new law should be real good for
people like me. I'll finally have job security." With the passage of this
bill, Gertz and millions of other lazy, untalented citizens will finally see
a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Sen. Dick Durbin,IL: "As a senator with no abilities, I believe the
same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every
American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and
every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort
of space to take up in this great nation and a great salary for doing so."

This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Kathleen Sebelius, Al Sharpton,
Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barack Obama.