lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

I watched a parade during our harvest festival, and saw a young man marching in it, being super cool with his pants around his knees, then - his pants came all the way down, causing him to fall flat on his face in front of everybody. I laughed so hard my face fell of. This has happened before so I wasn't too concerned, until a rat ran off with my face, d**gging it into the sewer. I considered retrieving it, but considering where it was now, I'd be s**tfaced the rest of my life. I declined.

I considered having an artificial face made, making it more, um, handsome, but I figured I'd be shamefaced the rest of my life, so ultimately I decided against that too. I finally settled on having a plastic surgeon make me a new face using tissue from my ass. Of course, I'll be a buttface the rest of my days. Let me issue this warning; if we happen to meet in person, at some point, do NOT ask me what part of my ass the surgeon made my mouth from - or I'll knock you smooth out right then and there.

The good news is, I can now rub my ass on people without them knowing. The bad news is, my new face looks as old as my previous face, because, well, my ass was the same age. Oh yeah, and my burps smell like farts and even sound like farts and I feel the overpowering urge to scratch my face if I sit too long. Anyway, I lost face and recovered, although I'm now a buttface, but I've been called that for years anyway, just now, it's actually true.

P.S. if you say "you're talking out of your ass" - I'll knock you out for that too.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

So, your new face is everything it was cracked up to be, huh

archie bunker Loc: Texas

Well buttface.....not sure what to say here...

I guess after your next prostate exam, you won't be exaggerating about the Dr. digging for your tonsils?

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

We could only assume that those are his tonsils...not something else.

archie bunker Loc: Texas

You mean like the marbles he swallowed as a little kid? Oh wait......nevermind. I know where they went.......

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

He might be more concerned with flaming, dangling hemorrhoids.

steve66613

They could've made eyelids from foreskin....he'd be a little cock-eyed though!

archie bunker Loc: Texas

He might be a little pissed off about that!

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Maybe, but I doubt it. 'Doc' has as good a sense of humor as anyone on the forum. Nothing half-ass about him.

archie bunker Loc: Texas

You can tell that by looking at his mug!

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Having met the man, I can almost safely say he is not the ugliest mug I have ever seen.

archie bunker Loc: Texas

That was pre new face. Wasn't it?
That's OK! I kinda like ole Buttface!

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

I looked at a cop the other day and almost got arrested, because he thought I was mooning him. I scared a kid right into therapy, just by smiling at him. I heard him crying and saying to his mother "that butt's gots teeth mommy!".

I suppose that does account for my Urologist trying to stick his hand in my mouth all the time. He did get a little excited after fondling my double chin, exclaiming " your testicles have disappeared!". I told him he was looking in the wrong place and after examining the correct flabby sack, he exclaimed "your testicles have disappeared!". I don't like my Urologist anymore.

I don't have many problems with my new buttface, except for one annoying trait - little bits of toilet paper keep appearing in my moustache.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

One word for you, Doc...'bidet.'

archie bunker Loc: Texas

In his case, that would be any water fountian!