MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:
" This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on you"

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER:
" I don't care what you've discovered, you still should have written."

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER:
" Why can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off of the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"All right, if your're not hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
" Again with the hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
" Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
" Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and go to sleep!"

PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER:
" I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is long past your bed-time!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"But it's your senior photograph! Couldn't you have done something with your hair?"

MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER:
" That's a good story! Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years!"

BILL CLINTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"At least Monica was a nice Jewish girl!"