Elwood Loc: Florida

Going the e-mail rounds. :lol: :lol:


Just in case you needed a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; that's reassurance to those of us who fly routinely.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a 'gripe sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident....

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget

Parrothead Loc: In front of my laptop

Seriously LOL!!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Elwood Loc: Florida

:lol: :lol: Sound about right. :mrgreen:

Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon

:thumbup: And now you know why our UPS Charges have gotten so high. It's the college grads and professional peoples were paying for. :shock: :shock: :shock:

Elwood Loc: Florida

:lol: :lol: :thumbup: :thumbup:

lindajoy Loc: right here with you....

Dangit El, I just don't know about you dear...You forgot the one you asekd me about~~

P: Cock Pit needs servicing
S: Sounds like a personal problem~~~~ :lol: :wink:

Elwood Loc: Florida

Ooooee, I love it when you talk dirty. :mrgreen: :twisted: ;-)

lindajoy Loc: right here with you....

:lol: :lol:

Alicia Loc: NYC

*************
Seems as if those with the lesser degree are brighter - at least more original. Thanks. :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

Elwood Loc: Florida

:lol: :lol: My pleasure. :mrgreen:

badbobby Loc: texas

Elwood
the never ending laugh inspirer
:lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

Elwood Loc: Florida

:lol: :lol: Thanks Bobby . :mrgreen:

Little Ball of Hate

When I was in the Navy, I was doing planned maintenance on a receiver/regulator for one of the guns. It takes a hydraulic signal and converts it to a mechanical one, and vise versa. Well, when I went to put it back together, there was a gear left over. Couldn't figure out where it went. So, we started it up and it worked fine. True story.

We saved the gear, just in case, but never had a problem.

Elwood Loc: Florida

:lol: :lol: :thumbup: :thumbup: Interesting. :mrgreen:

badbobby Loc: texas

I sure am glad that I was out before you were in
you are dangerous