alabuck Loc: Tennessee

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Given that dachshunds are built so low to the ground, and that those of us who've actually seen a dachshund with an erection, realize that it would be very, very difficult for him to climb a set of stairs. Now, imagine the same dachshund, given a Viagra, strapped to a harness, and plowing a field. I'd say the dog just might put cattle, horses and donkeys out to pasture, so to speak. And, just think of the wear and tear and expense saved on a plow. Why, by harnessing a female dachshund, that's in heat, in front of him, I figure you could get 2-3 acres plowed in the morning and that much more in the afternoon.

RockKnutne Loc: Valhöll

I know I did. I do love any warped dog numbers. I guess because I am one, ya think?

:shock: :shock: :XD: :XD: ;)

RockKnutne Loc: Valhöll

:XD: :XD: :XD:

I'm cracking up here buck. You know, I told you I'm an Ohio boy and, I use to go out to the country to see the Amish folk every once in awhile. As I was sitting here going to type something about Amish farming methodology, my mind naturally went to Weird Al and Amish Paradise. Ever hear it?


"Amish Paradise"

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree, I really look good in black...fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
It's as primitive as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another
Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise

Those Amish sure are cranky, it must be that they keep a buggy up their six, right plow dawg? What a carrot/ummmm, stick visual you gave us alabuck. Thanks we all needed that!

http://youtu.be/lOfZLb33uCg

:XD: :XD: :XD: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

alabuck Loc: Tennessee

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Can't say that I've heard this little ditty. It's very humorous, though and certainly something Wierd Al would come up with.

I knew you'd appreciate some good, 'ol, Ohio, farm-boy, humor. You may get the Buckeye out of Ohio, but you'll never get Ohio out of the Buckeye; wierd humor and all! Plus, we share some Navy time and tears; so, it's like we're cousins, or something. Who knows, maybe, somewhere in our family trees', we both fell off of the same branch. :shock: 8-) :thumbup:

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

Maybe it was a fruit tree and you are both nuts.
Weird Al is great. We knew one of his writers years ago , guy used to live near a friend of ours. Can't remember what his name was, but he was very quiet and shy, hardly ever said anything to anyone. He was also a performer and did a stage show at Harvrd where his favorit line ws "I'm rather handy with the ladies" but I won't remember his name u ntil the middle of the night when it will come to me. OH WELL old age I guess.

alabuck Loc: Tennessee

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Fruit tree? I don't think so as nuts aren't fruit. I may be "nuts," but I'm NOT "fruity!" In my generation, being "fruity" denotes being gay, and that, I'm not. I can't be 100% sure about Knute as we've never met or discussed it. But, based on our correspondence, but I'd be very surprised if he were. Even if he were, I'm not prejudiced against gays. I believe in 'live and let live.' I have several gay/lesbian friends and relatives, it's just not a lifestyle I actively participate in.

Regarding Wierd Al's comedic writer who's name you can't remember, could it be, Jack Handley?

RockKnutne Loc: Valhöll

Hang on their alabuck, I don't know if you read the news much but, this was a statement issued by the then governor of Buckeye Land not too very long ago...

'We don't have any gays in Ohio,' Ohio Governor tells Ivy League audience

Last updated at 17:04 25 September 2007

Vilified as a Big Ten denier, a supporter of Michigan football a backer of the Pittsburgh Steelers, the governor of Ohio was actually able to make New Yorkers burst into tears - though he did not intend to.

"In Ohio we don't have homosexuals like in your state," Ohio Governor Ted Strickland said at Columbia University last night in response to a question about the recent execution of two gay men there.

"In Ohio we do not have this phenomenon," he continued. "I do not know who has told you we have it."

I hoped that cleared up any questions you had about that! :XD:

I may not be part of the 1 percent but, I'm 100% sure I'm 100% percent heterosexual, being from Ohio is just a plus, right buck? :wink: :XD: :XD: :XD:

RockKnutne Loc: Valhöll

Glad you could appreciate both the Amish and Weird Al. I think Ohio is a r**t now that I can view it from afar. When I was growing up there, I could only view things from a deep, as in snow drift deep. The lake effect snows were incredible and, I only saw white from late September until April or May.

I sat on Waikiki Beach for months when I first got there, just waiting for the ocean to freeze solid so I could walk over to California to visit. :shock: :shock: :shock:

We do share more than a few things in common and, I thank God for that!

Take care Cuz or, if you're really as much like me as I know you must be, take it anyway you can. :wink:

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

RockKnutne Loc: Valhöll

You know No Prop, you appear to be mighty comfortable with the present company. It was your doggone song I first posted so, "man up" or "dog down". Notice how I can work in a Navy term at the drop of a hat buck?

Speaking of dogs, you guys might be interested to know...

Why is “dog” one of the great mysteries of the English language?

Behind the simplest words one can often find the most compelling questions. Take for example, “dog.”

Canis familiaris, also known as “dog,” is essentially a domesticated wolf. The dog is a member of the Canidae family, like the jackal and the fox.

About seven centuries ago, the word “hound,” which came from the Old English hund, was the word for all domestic canines. “Dog” was just used to refer to a subgroup of hounds that includes the lovely but frequently slobbering mastiff. (thought you'd like that NPP)

Of course, the opposite is now true. We use dog to talk about all of man’s best friends, from lovable golden retrievers to panting chow chows. And hound is now used to indicate a type of dog used just for hunting. Hound especially refers to a dog with a long face and large, droopy ears. Linguists still speculate about the reversal of fortune for “hound” and “dog.” One idea suggests that the sub-breed known as “dogs” became so populous that “dog” simply became the generic term (sort of an animal equivalent of the way brand names can become so ubiquitous that they start to be used as a general term for their purpose.)

The number of uses of “dog” is remarkable even by the standards of the dictionary. We call sleazy men dogs. We also call our feet dogs. A worthless object, such as a wobbly, rusty bike, is also called a dog.

(Don’t forget about the hot dog.)

There also seems to be an endless number of idioms incorporating the word, such as “sick as a dog.”

The expressions “a dog’s life” and “go to the dogs” likely refer to a time when the animals were used primarily for hunting and not kept as pets.

The phrase “put on the dog” means to “get dressed up.” It may refer to the stiff, stand-up shirt collars (also known as dog collars) that were all the rage in the late nineteenth century.

A dog-eared page is named after the way many dogs’ ears fold down, as opposed to the perky, upright wolf ear.

Employing the phrase “hair of the dog” to talk about using alcohol as a hangover cure may be as old as drinking itself. The first recorded use is with Pliny, the ancient Roman writer.

Well here's the deal you dogs, if you can accuse me of anything, then let it be that I'm just a "cunning linguist" doggone it!

:wink: :XD: :XD: :XD:

alabuck Loc: Tennessee

Well here's the deal you dogs, if you can accuse me of anything, then let it be that I'm just a "cunning linguist" doggone it!

:wink: :XD: :XD: :XD:[/quote]

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Perhaps you're now the renown Southern linguist, Colonel Angus, from SNL fame?

RockKnutne Loc: Valhöll

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Perhaps you're now the renown Southern linguist, Colonel Angus, from SNL fame?[/quote]

I missed that one buck. I must have been commenting on here that season?

:shock: :shock: :shock:

alabuck Loc: Tennessee

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I'm sure that skit is on the Internet, somewhere Knute. If you can, find it and watch it. It's hilarious! It was written by 2 of the women who played in the skit.

My Ohio winter memories consist of going Trick or Treating, while crunching through the snow and ice. We didn't get much of a "lake effect" living in a tiny "village" named Sabina, located between Columbus and Cincy. We did get snow, though. I remember, too, shaking the large cedar tree that stood right in front of our front porch and having a dead Cardinal fall on the ground at my feet. It had frozen to death.

I remember building snow-forts out of blocks of snow we kids formed from cardboard boxes and throwing snowballs at one another as we hid behind the snow-forts. I remember getting on our bikes and getting up some speed, then hitting the brakes and slidding on the icy parts of the street. Or, pulling sleds behind our bikes, the sleds loaded with our friends, along the icy parts of the street, then letting go of the rope and watching them steer, back and forth, trying to remain on the icy parts of the street so to extend their high-speed rides as long as possible. Of course, they lost several kids from the sleds along the way to running out of icy road.

Those were the days before video games and parents afraid of letting you do anything that might result in you getting a scraped knee or a bumped head. Days where it was your imagination that provided one with a new world to explore and where one could ride their bikes for hours on end without fear of being molested or robbed or being asked if you wanted to buy some drugs. We lived in a small town where my Grandpa was the Police Chief. Where the locals knew each other and most of each others' business. Where the locals looked out for the kids of the village and didn't hesitate to call our parents if we were seen doing something we shouldn't be doing. I remember my Grandpa actually locking me in a jail-cell and leaving me alone for about 300 years (actually, it was about 30 minutes, but it was long enough to scare the patooties out of me.) because I'd smarted-off to an older person that was trying to correct my bad behavior while I was buying candy from their store. (You can see that memory remains alive and well in my brain.)

I remember that my 1st grade teacher, Mrs Powell, was the same lady that was my mother's 1st grade teacher. That the school principal, Dr. Runyan, was the same principal my mother had had all through her school years, while she grew-up in Sabina. That I was the youngest kid in 1st grade as I'd just turned 5 when I began 1st grade. There was no kindergarten in that school. I had 3-1st cousins that were in the same grade as I and we were even in some classes together. I graduated high school, still being the youngest in my class.

I remember one uncle that had several hundred acres of corn. Another raised pigs. Never get in a pig pen. (They'll k**l you and eat your body!). A great uncle raised tobacco. Another uncle married a Canadian who was a 1st cousin to Jackie Kennedy. (No, I never met the Kennedy's, and neither did he.)

One uncle operated an auto repair garage. He could just listen to an engine and know what was wrong with it. Another uncle operated his own auction business. Another uncle worked for North American Aviation, in Columbus, and built the OV-10a, an Army observation/spotter plane during the Vietnam War. He and his older son also were ushers at Ohio Staduim for about 30 years.

I'd better stop this walk down Memory Lane before it turns into my memoirs.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

No, it was Emo Phillips, lived across the street from our artist friend many years ago.

RockKnutne Loc: Valhöll

Thank you, thank you, thank you... I really enjoyed the trip back in time buck!

We grew up in a magical time in this country and for us, a magical place. As a kid, I was living in a suburb of Cleveland, close enough to downtown to catch the Christmas lights, concerts and other festivities and, far enough away from it to feel like I lived a few houses away from you in Sabina.

My toughest decision at 16 was, I knew if I got my license to drive a car, I might have to retire my bike. As soon as I realized that most of the gals stopped riding them, I quickly got over it of course. :wink:

Ohio youth, I remember it well. Swimming for eight minutes in the too short summer when Lake Erie was actually thawed out, snowball fights, sling shots and, some of the best people I have ever or will ever know in my entire life, a few of them even family. :XD: :XD: :XD:

We bumper hitched rides from unwary motorists, by h*****g at stop signs and, disappearing like ghosts when the car would start to move again. It would take a few minutes before the driver realized he was sitting kind of heavy in the back and, now actually had traction. It was slow travel but, it got us where we were going eventually.

Halloween was confusing for us Cleveland kids. We kind of figured if Santa was coming in this snow soon anyway, why not deliver us the candy too? That just makes sense, don't it?

I think what happened in America is the family kept getting smaller and smaller and, parents couldn't be assured their kids would be okay, because the herd got so much smaller. Kids had to start playing video games to learn about sports, because where could you ever find twenty-two of them now to play football in a park? This led to organized sports (yuck, too many rules!) and, coaches that preyed on children, not played with them. When I was a kid, we knew adults didn't belong anywhere near us and, that's why we stayed safe.

This country is in another era again. It isn't one we'd flourish in but, kids are still experiencing childhood. I don't think it can compare to ours but, being young anytime doesn't exactly suck, so I'm sure they'll make it okay.

We're still here buck, so in a large way, our America still exists too. The telling about it on forums and to our family, friends and neighbors will at least give `em all something to shoot for!

God bless my friend and, enjoy the pictures. They are from the internet but, I do have a huge boxful myself, that I may get around to scanning someday and making them shared treasures to!

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

Typical morning in Ohio


Browns pregame


Blowing off some steam

alabuck Loc: Tennessee

Allow me to add some:

My grandpa/ police chief


Ohio snow. Notice Sabina's ONLY stoplight.


Another Ohio snow