Rose42

BENTONVILLE, AR—In a bold move intended to curb the thousands of deaths from vehicles each and every day, Walmart has decided to stop selling auto parts, sources confirmed Tuesday.

According to shocking reports, people have purchased car parts at Walmart and then those cars have been involved in accidents, proving a direct correlation between selling auto parts and causing deaths.

"We can no longer be complicit in an industry that k**ls over 3,000 people a day," said a spokesperson for Walmart. "Every time we sell a muffler, steering wheel cover, or flame decal, we are potentially causing the death of a person, and we cannot support that any longer."

"It's clear that bad drivers and poor road conditions don't cause vehicular deaths---cars do."

Walmart executives said they are beating themselves with a stick to atone for the deaths they've already caused.

"Our consciences will only be clean when we've been mercilessly beaten once for each of the millions of deaths that have been caused by automobiles since Walmart began selling auto parts," said one executive before solemnly beginning to beat himself with a baseball bat.

https://babylonbee.com/news/walmart-discontinues-sale-of-auto-parts-to-prevent-car-accidents

EmilyD

They need to discontinue sale of knives and forks, pressure cookers, hammers, baseball bats, and cast iron frying pans, among other lethal weapons, too. (And before you criticize, lefties, I know babylonbee is sarcasm.)

Boo_Boo Loc: Jellystone

They may want to DC any fruits that can be fermented, as alcohol plays a large role in criminal activities and violence.

EmilyD

....and the Pharmacy needs to go...drugs..

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

As Tony the Tiger would say "THEYRE GREAT""

Boo_Boo Loc: Jellystone

Not to mention belts, scarves, anything that could be fashioned into a noose--sink unpluggers like draino, step ladders, paint.....this list could get very long.

EmilyD

sheets, knitting needles, quite a few toys, stiletto shoes, in fact, Walmart should just shut down completely....they are too dangerous to the public.

Boo_Boo Loc: Jellystone

So, Walmart is a dangerous organization and needs to be put on NSA terrorist list. Then they need to consider the other stores that furnish instruments that people can use to k**l....and then, a house to house removal of those objects.

EmilyD

And when that project is done, they can start going after cows...

Boo_Boo Loc: Jellystone

Poor cows!!! They could be saved if they can learn how to do SBD (silent but deadly) farts....

Mikeyavelli

You know, I once knew a guy who ate bread and he died. Ban Bread!

Boo_Boo Loc: Jellystone

Sandwiches altogether, Momma Cass chocked on one. Peas too, kids stick them in their noses.

Smedley_buzkill

Don't forget spaghetti noodles. Ever seen someone suck one up their nose and swallow it? We used to think it was cool in the fourth grade.

Mikeyavelli

Kids who did that tended to stay in the 4th grade.

DM

TO ALL: I am in full agreement with Walmart simply getting out of business. Long time ago when owners
of hardware stores, Walmart went out of their way to run all hardware stores out of business in small towns all over the country.
(More for Walmart, you know!) They do not pay their employees enough so we the
taxpayers are paying about 6 million a year to supplement their salaries in Food stamps, any gov't payout
they can get as their meager salary can't keep them in food and clothing and a place to live. Have talked
to some employees. They also sell the most rotten phones. I bought one years ago and no one can get help from the company. They are selling the ones from China that Trump wants to stop accepting in the
United States. One time, went to the phone dept., found a salesperson (who spoke English) and said
get your manager as I am going to raise "Holy Hell" until I get someone to get this phone to work. The
Ast. Mgr. came and spent 40 minutes talking to the "phone help" and we tried over 20 times to call
out on their fantastic help that they declare they have and finally it went out. The Mgr. said I've spent
enough time with you. You can call out and walked away. One employee said he had been there for
three years with no raise in salary and said "they made no profit that year!" (And if you believe that...
there is a fantastic bridge I've got for you.) I told them of the daughter of Sam Walton that charges
a good fee for the many REALLY STUPID PEOPLE to view her art work in New York. These employees
haven't a clue to how poorly they are treated as can not get a job anywhere else. We don't want
them to quit selling their "loss leaders"...(great prices and then raise the price of all the other products)
as those individuals fill their parking lots as they aren't very intelligent. When we think back and remember
that Hillary Clinton was on their Board of Directors...do we really wonder at the intelligence of
those great Walmart people that take care of all the stupid people in the world who shop there? Sounds
like Walmart to follow the leads of the Democrats who want to take our guns. Aren't they the most
thoughtful people to consider people get shot with them. Usually it is the mentally ill that pulls the
trigger but Walmart people aren't smart enough to figure that out and they can make a BIG SPLASH
NOW AND DRAW ALL THOSE UTTERLY IGNORANT PEOPLE AS WALMART IS GOING TO STOP ALL
THE K*****G IN AMERICA...(while they make a k*****g on their prices that bring people in with
a few loss leaders that the public is too stupid to compare prices.) Guess what? I don't shop Walmart..
I shop quality.