rumitoid

I just had a lengthy exchange with some poster over a minor disagreement about an issue that turned into a carpet bombing on my character with each succeeding post by him and repeated attacks on a point I never made or even hinted at. It left me stunned. Do I even bother to defend myself against something so obviously far afield?

He dropped bombs such as I was always rude and bullying as soon as anyone disagreed with me. This bothered me because I truly make an effort to remain civil (as I feel my responses to all his comments and one of his especially vile accusations bears out) and respect the opinion of others. I know that some here see retaliation as a fair, even demanded, option. Others start out that way even before a gauntlet is dropped based on the presupposition about the political leaning of the author. What is your opinion on the matter?

(I chose to respond finally--civilly, I believe--and now feel a little ridiculous that I let it bother me like it did. I was sorely tempted to bring all the exchanges between us to weigh here in Chit-chat but saw that to be a form of retaliation...and madness. At this juncture, he has yet to answer.)

LAPhil Loc: Los Angeles, CA

You really hit on one of my hot buttons here. I'm not sure what your political affiliation is, but I'm pretty much a staunch conservative, which most of my postings will attest to. However, ever now and then I may call out someone on my own side who doesn't know what he's talking about or give an opinion which is counter to the majority of conservatives on these forums, and the next thing you know someone is calling me a liberal. This is not only infuriating but it's stupid. I think before people make any assumptions about your overall political persuasion it's incumbent upon them to at least read some of your posts to see if their assumptions are correct.

bahmer

In the heat of a debate or discussion things are said or inferred that are best not brought up but are in retaliation to the other. If we could I am sure that a lot of us me included would like to have some if not all of our remarks back. I know in marriage that is the case and on here I am even tempted to respond in a hurtful matter and it takes a great deal of self control to not respond that way. I have of late tried to either respond calmly and as kindly as possible and if I do get upset to leave that post and return sometime later in the day to it. That way as I look at it in a new light I see that my original anger was out of place or if I am still offended I just don't respond at all. Less hurt feelings and I sleep better at night.

LAPhil Loc: Los Angeles, CA

One thing to keep in mind is that this forum is not like a lot of others where people come and go constantly and are therefore more apt to sling all kinds of mud because they know they won't be held accountable for it because of their anonymity. This is not the case with OPP, which is more like a community with a lot of the same people posting and responding to one another regularly. I've recently realized that rather than get into regular pissing contests with the same people it's better just to avoid them if you know they're going to push your buttons. At the end of the day it's just not worth it to give yourself that kind of grief.

cant beleve Loc: Planet Kolob

These insults have become quite frequent and I have been guilty of it myself though I believe most of us here on opp genuinely do not wish to character assassinate as you have described.
If people find that this is getting in the way of legitimate discussion... I think we should start asking it be taken up in the pm formats... Just an idea
:idea:

Augustus Greatorex Loc: NE

I think Happy J was right about you. You never apologize, only excuse your poor behavior.

Look at your apology to Happy J. It is one excuse after another of why you did nothing wrong. Explaining that only Happy J is capable of miscomprehension of your comments, without admitting that it takes two to Tango.

You really acted like a 13 year old girl on that thread.

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

I too, I'm sure,have been guilty of "striking back" on occasion, something I am not proud of in retrospect. There are several posters whom I must ignore, realizing they are just trying to "push my button". I am not 100% successful in this endeavor, but I try. I must admit that rumi, who sometimes irritates me, does always answer in a civil manner. I wish I could always emulate him in this respect, but don't, or can't. Anger sometimes overrides my good sense. 'nough said.

rumitoid

Though I did not want to bring in who the poster was, to keep this a separate topic and not a rehash of that thread, I invite anyone to openmindly read our exchanges and see who acted badly. But this is not the point of the discussion. All I can say to you is that Miscomprehension does not necessarily need two to tango.

rumitoid

Thank you for the response. Good points. I am accepted as being a liberal by most admitted conservatives here and have been accused of the opposite (a "closet conservatives") by some admitted liberals. There is also a third class that finds my backing of certain topics considered conservative and then others considered liberal as somehow being either a fence sitter(?) or lacking in integrity, just like your experience.
For me, I try t take the label and all its association out of the picture when responding to anyone. Just deal with the subject matter. I am not perfect at this, consistent but fail occasionally, but that is my value.

rumitoid

Good points and sadly how very true. There was a song way, way back when entitled "You always hurt the ones you love (the ones you shouldn't hurt at all)": a tragic reality, no matter our intentions and no matter how hard we try. That children's rhyme "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me" is a bunch of hooey. I am much better in that regard but not perfect. One serious lapse here back some months ago. I will attempt to commit myself to your advice and not respond at all.

rumitoid

Good points. Thank you. Putting them in pms would be better yet so many lack any regard for those of the opposing party that their point is to openly air their rancor.

rumitoid

Thank you for your comments, I deeply appreciate your kind words. I am returning the voodoo doll as I write.

Comment Loc: California

My Dear Rumitoid: I have never found you crude, rude of tatued. I think your self assessments are correct. I disagree with you a lot but that doesn't mean that I don't agree with you as well. Do let it bother you. Your ok.

Augustus Greatorex Loc: NE

How could it be a separate issue, when it is referenced by you as reason for this thread?

I guess that's my, as you imply, "closed minded reading" of your comments.

I suppose you read your comments with such an open mind your brain fell out.

PoppaGringo Loc: Muslim City, Mexifornia, B.R.

Thank you. I was concerned about the pin pricks I seemed to have. Now I know from whence they came.