Happy J

I see that there is already a Friday and Saturday Humor thread, and my hats off to AuntiE for the many laughs you have given me. You are truly a funny lady, you need to come to our next BBQ!

So, here is a joke for Tuesday!

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre and a hypnotist had been invited to perform his show. Claude, the hypnotist, explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, the chain broke, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "SH*T!" exclaimed the hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Centre. Claude was never invited back to entertain.

skott Loc: Bama

Funny

Happy J

Thanks. :XD:

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I will provide potato salad and green beans cooked and seasoned with salt cured country ham for the BBQ. :-D

Happy J

ymmmmmmmmmmmmm Now you are talking! Steaks, ribs, chicken.....all on the grill. White wine for you? Or will you indulge in a tequila shot or two?

skott Loc: Bama

I like Teq better than wine.

Happy J

After my own heart! I keep the bar stocked, the refrig too. Everyone is welcome, just bring you own jokes, smokes if you do, pull up a chair and let the party begin!

skott Loc: Bama

I don't smoke. I like rum best, but only if its dark. And I cook for a hobby. Mexican corn on the Barbie and maybe some zucchini.

Happy J

That sound great. I have rum, several kinds you can have your pick. I love Mexican corn! I have some fresh churned butter for the top. We can grill and talk!

skott Loc: Bama

Two strings walk into a bar. The sign above the bar says "no strings served." The fist string asks for two beers. The bartender says, "Cant you read the sign? We don't serve strings here."
He looks at the second string and says, "Let's go."
The second string says, "I have an idea." He walks to the restroom. He pulls his head apart and twists himself up.
He walks up to the bar and says, "Two beers please."
The bartender says, "We don't serve strings here. You're a string aren't you?"
The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Happy J

OHHHH That is a good one! May I keep it for future use?

skott Loc: Bama

Yeah

Happy J

A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street. When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him. When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog. A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes. He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you k**led?" The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"

oldroy Loc: Western Kansas (No longer in hiding)

Now I like that one.

Happy J

I had hopes of telling one to make you laugh. Good, now I only have 421 members of OPP to go!



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