After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed.

He begins to worry....

"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery."

One more:

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules
when dealing
with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to
understand just how it works.

Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES:

You make the bed.....+1




You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative
pillows....0



You throw the bedspread over rumpled
sheets................... -1


You leave the toilet seat
up.................................. -5


You replace the toilet paper roll when it is
empty............0

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to
Kleenex... -1


When the Kleenex runs out you use the next
bathroom........... -2


You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with
wings.....+5

in the
snow...............+8

but return with
beer...................................... -5
and no
liners............................................. -25


You check out a suspicious noise at
night.....................0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is
nothing............0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something……..+5


You pummel it with a six
iron.................................+10

It's her
cat.................................................. -40

AT THE PARTY:

You stay by her side the entire
party.........................0

You stay by her side initially, then leave to chat with a
college drinking
buddy........................................ -2


named
Tiffany............................................. -4


tiffany is a
dancer....................................... -10


with breast
implants...................................... -18

HER BIRTHDAY:

You remember her
birthday.................0

You buy a card and
flowers....................................0


You take her out to
dinner................................0

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports
bar...........+1

okay, it is a sports
bar................................... -2


And it's all-you-can-eat
night............................. -3


It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your
face is painted the colors of your favorite
team......... -10


A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS:

Go with a
pal......................0

The pal is happily
married...................+1

The pal is
single............................................. -7


He drives a
Ferrari........................................... -10


with a personalized license plate
(GR8NBED)............... -15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER:

You take her to a
movie......................... +2


You take her to a movie she
likes.........+4

You take her to a movie you
h**e...............+6

You take her to a movie you
like.............................. -2


It's called Revenge of Death Cop .....-3

Which features Cyborgs that eat
humans..................... -9


You lied and said it was a foreign film about
orphans...... -15




Your Physique:




You develop a noticeable pot
belly.............................. -15


You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of
it..+10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans
and baggy Hawaiian shirts…………………..-30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one
too.".............. -800

THE BIG QUESTION:

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in
responding................................... -10


You reply,
"Where?".......................................... -35


You reply, "No, I think it's your
ass"....................... -100


Any other
response........................................... -20



COMMUNICATION:

When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen,
displaying a concerned
expression.......................0

You listen, for over 30
minutes.......................+5

You relate to her problem and share a similar
experience........+50

Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying:
"well, what do you think I should
do"........................... -50


You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the
TV...+100

She realizes this is because you have fallen
asleep............. -200

I am bored, so I have found somethings that made me laugh, I thought I would share them.

More than 600 people in California wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight to Mars. According to the police, the would-be space travelers were told to spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available." Authorities believe that the con men running this s**m made off with over six million dollars.

A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you i***t!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"

In Sacramento, Ca, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead, and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill, and stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.

I don't know about anyone else, but I loved the camel trips. How we got to Mars in five minutes inside a tuffshed is just another marvel of science these days. And the Martian camels, as explained to me, may not breathe and really walk because it is a different species.

My call to the hospital with my first child was just as crazy: they asked if I had insurance. Funny. If I had had insurance, my girlfriend not have gotten pregnant. Dummies.

This guy was obviously nuts. A simple bending straw shoved way up the nose and placed in the mouth can access thoughts via tongue, proving the brain is there.

I am bored, so I have found somethings that made me laugh, I thought I would share them.

made off with over six million dollars.


In Sacramento, Ca, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead, and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill, and stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.