eagleye13 Loc: Fl

I forgot to mention the sun was out

pafret Loc: Northeast

All this chit chat about umbrellas is cute but I want to discuss a serious problem -- Yardsticks. I can't remember ever buying a yardstick but I have always had several in my home. My wife claimed she didn't buy them, but we had old ones worn thin with chewed corners. There were new ones, a solid quarter inch thick, looking like a quarterstaff for Little John. They occupied strange places and they have the uncanny ability to be wherever you chose to look for them.

In the snowstorm yesterday my son asked if I had a yardstick to measure the depth of snow (18") and I drew a blank. So I said it is probably in this closet and chose one at random. Sure enough there it was standing out of sight in the corner. What was it doing in there? How did it know I was going to look in that closet? Where was it before I looked for it? Do these things eat? They apparently have locomotion because I have never looked for one that wasn't where I looked and I have looked in ridiculous places to keep a yardstick. Come to think of it I don't remember putting one away. Are these things anti-umbrellas or another form of umbrellahood? Is the umbrella the cocoon stage in the development of yardsticks and are these yardsticks what the Ancient Aliens used to lay out the Pyramids? Are they watching me?

eagleye13 Loc: Fl

" Is the umbrella the cocoon stage in the development of yardsticks and are these yardsticks what the Ancient Aliens used to lay out the Pyramids? Are they watching me?" - pafret

THEY are watching you; but don't fret, pafret.
Their numbers are dwindling, and they only have one leg to stand on.
Could be the left one!

Mr Bombastic

Uhhh..I'll simply state the obvious. You should seek professional help. Do it now. Before it's too late.

peter11937 Loc: NYS

Back in the day, hardware and milliners gave advertising yardsticks away with a large enough purchase or series of purchases.

pafret Loc: Northeast

You want me to see a carpenter?

Mr Bombastic

GmanTerry

We were issued panchos and raincoats. Just umbrellas were discouraged. Probably because it requires one hand to be occupied. You would be required to hold it in your left hand so you could salute with the right hand.

Semper Fi

boatbob2

When i was in Korea,1975,,-E-7 s,held police call every morning ( 19 th Support brigade,Taegu,Korea) The Ladies were authorized to use umbrellas,when it rained, BUT,NOT IN FORMATION,When i held formation,and the ladies were using their umbrellas,I would just say " Umbrellas ladies" the first time they bitched,I moved them to the last squad,and left them standing there (with their umbrellas open,while I marched the troops to the end on the brigade,for police call,as we passed them,we ignored them,after we finished police call,I dismissed the troops,EXCEPT for the ladies,I told them to stand fast,and I would be back to dismiss them,They said their bosses,would be pissed,I said tough shit,Tell your boss to come see me,( my boss was a brigidier general) i left them standing in the rain,at parade rest for about an hour,then before I dismissed them,I told them,next time,you come to MY FORMATION,in the rain,and bitch,when I said "umbrellas ladies",I would let them stand there until lunch time, never had a problem again,with the ladies and their umbrellas.