Thank for your very reasonable and civil response. You strike me as intelligent and principled so please speak up in the future.

Some things you will notice about my threads: I attract a lot of insult and name calling ("hemroid" the most common but not bad). Rarely do I get any supporting posts from those considered on the far left or even just liberal. The only people I count as friends here are conservatives and a few that I think most would consider independent with a right dent. I agree with your estimation that the comments have grown "more aggressive," yet my experience, as many consider me a liberal, sees an increase of virulence coming from the Right. And if I only relied on my experience or took the attacks personally, I would fail to notice the general or overall comments at OPP. I see them as equal, just from weighing what is on page 1 at the Main.

In the ongoing Partisan War we are engaged in or witnessing here and across the nation, claims of atrocities, lies, distortions, insults, and name calling are definitely equal; the nature of this game of politics. But it has ceased being a game, in my eyes. Yet most have fallen so far into a rut that all many can say is just rote ugliness. Very sad. I thought this article brilliant and actually believed it could possibly be that straw that broke the back of this impasse. Silly me. As the article pointed out, it got very quickly personal with barely a notice of the principles the author spoke of and traits described. Fear of Generosity was no longer the topic; I was. Not a person seemed to reflect on how this fear may effect their attitude, outlook, and words. Pointing a finger is so much easier, and seems to some far more righteous.

Give it a little time. Initial impulsive posts and responses are usually more emotional and knee jerk. Later responses will have been considered, worked on, edited and reconsidered. Even a person who initially responds with a wildly angry response, may reflect and correct later on.

I am TRYING to remember that when I have that rush of rising anger or derision, that the better response to the poster is often to seek more information about the person and the subject. I have found myself suddenly "getting it" and regretting an impulsive response.

And if one screws up, an honest straight forward apology is a sign of strength and good character that most respect and appreciate. Except Gibbs.

Then, there are those who are completely clear and satisfied in their thoughts and opinions and whose main purpose is too explore and express the emotion that overwhelms them. Not a thing wrong with that and in fact I hope it continues for as long as it helps! Some have regular friends who help ease the pressure of that emotion. Not everyone needs long wordy thought out responses and some even find them confusing and contentious. A simple thumbup recognizing the frustration and fewer confusing words can be a complete and loving response.

And my over riding purpose on OPP and life is to increase my capacity to love more and more different kinds of people. In a loving context it is easier to learn. I think we all need to work at solutions that benefit everyone. When the 'other' becomes a 'beloved' we suddenly have reason to consider their needs, wants and opinions more fairly.

Rumtoid I have been reading these posts for about two years now. I only read and did not post any comments. For the reason that I noticed most of you are very articulate and educated. I only have a high school education and went right into the workplace. I've enjoyed many of the posts and had some great laughs and have learned a great deal. I have noticed your numerous pleads for civility in the discussions. Of course we need that to have balance. But I've noticed a few posters that are very insulting. As a white American man and Christian I walk away feeling as though I've done something horribly wrong to some of these people. I am noticing a very aggressive strike at white American Christians and stereotyping all of us because of a few. I am so tired of hearing about teabaggers and white goobers and Christian wingnuts. So I am going out on a limb here and saying that the majority of insulting words are coming from the left. And that most conservative people on this site are reasonable and if they say something mean it's usually in response. I don't believe it is equal. The scary thing to me Rumitoid is that things here in USA are seeming to be getting worse. And the comments are getting more aggressive. Sometimes it feels like reasoning is not an option, only defeat.

I appreciate your thoughtful reply, though in contrast I disagree with your viewpoint as seeing most insults coming from the left. I usually find a pack of right posters attacking the left. This may be a clear example of our own perspective and our protective response.

Either way, you have made some very good points, one was unintentional, in that was that you were reluctant to post. That is a concern because everyone's viewpoint has equal weight and merit. The whole point of the forums to hear from other people. We All get insulted no matter what the degree of education or position.

It is hard not to take insults personally when they are directly posted to you. In reality they are fear based and not about you at all..still there isn't any good reason to sit and take the verbal abuse. But if you can remember that at the time of the insult, it can be completely diverted and not have any impact.
Let me assure you I try my best to do this and cannot all the time, I'm only human.

There is a learning curve here, maybe if we can teach ourselves and others not to be fearful of simply listening to the others without the insulting rants, we can actually get productive and meaningful dialogs going.

Rumi Thank you for your continuous efforts to try and bring peaceful conversations to the table. It is not hypocritical to see where one has fallen and to try and make amends or atonement's. We are all human and all live hypocritical lives to a certain degree, or one would be( for better word) sinless. We see we have fallen, ask for forgiveness and we go out and try again not to fall in the same pit.

Thank for your very reasonable and civil response. You strike me as intelligent and principled so please speak up in the future.

Some things you will notice about my threads: I attract a lot of insult and name calling ("hemroid" the most common but not bad). Rarely do I get any supporting posts from those considered on the far left or even just liberal. The only people I count as friends here are conservatives and a few that I think most would consider independent with a right dent. I agree with your estimation that the comments have grown "more aggressive," yet my experience, as many consider me a liberal, sees an increase of virulence coming from the Right. And if I only relied on my experience or took the attacks personally, I would fail to notice the general or overall comments at OPP. I see them as equal, just from weighing what is on page 1 at the Main.

In the ongoing Partisan War we are engaged in or witnessing here and across the nation, claims of atrocities, lies, distortions, insults, and name calling are definitely equal; the nature of this game of politics. But it has ceased being a game, in my eyes. Yet most have fallen so far into a rut that all many can say is just rote ugliness. Very sad. I thought this article brilliant and actually believed it could possibly be that straw that broke the back of this impasse. Silly me. As the article pointed out, it got very quickly personal with barely a notice of the principles the author spoke of and traits described. Fear of Generosity was no longer the topic; I was. Not a person seemed to reflect on how this fear may effect their attitude, outlook, and words. Pointing a finger is so much easier, and seems to some far more righteous.

Rumitoid

I have always been impressed by your well thought out posts.

I was also saddened when your comments drove someone from OPP and I stated so.

On your subject: Bojester always starts his posts with name calling and insults. Brian immediately follows continuing on the same vein. This sets the tone for anything that follows and continues with various negative comments.

Other posters feel attacked and respond accordingly. It is very difficult to make any positive movement.

On the political front: there is enough blame to go around for both parties and we ALL should admit that fact and move on. As Americans we will never solve our problems if we spend our time and energies attacking each other.

Snoopy

Give it a little time. Initial impulsive posts and responses are usually more emotional and knee jerk. Later responses will have been considered, worked on, edited and reconsidered. Even a person who initially responds with a wildly angry response, may reflect and correct later on.

I am TRYING to remember that when I have that rush of rising anger or derision, that the better response to the poster is often to seek more information about the person and the subject. I have found myself suddenly "getting it" and regretting an impulsive response.

And if one screws up, an honest straight forward apology is a sign of strength and good character that most respect and appreciate. Except Gibbs.

Then, there are those who are completely clear and satisfied in their thoughts and opinions and whose main purpose is too explore and express the emotion that overwhelms them. Not a thing wrong with that and in fact I hope it continues for as long as it helps! Some have regular friends who help ease the pressure of that emotion. Not everyone needs long wordy thought out responses and some even find them confusing and contentious. A simple thumbup recognizing the frustration and fewer confusing words can be a complete and loving response.

And my over riding purpose on OPP and life is to increase my capacity to love more and more different kinds of people. In a loving context it is easier to learn. I think we all need to work at solutions that benefit everyone. When the 'other' becomes a 'beloved' we suddenly have reason to consider their needs, wants and opinions more fairly.

A point I and a number of others have made over and over to little or no avail: if we don't start building bridges to the other side, no matter how tough and risky the work, America will become permanently divided and fall.

I would ask all that bother to read this to please open their heart and mind in at least an objective view if not a welcoming one for the sake of our beloved nation.

Cut and paste from http://www.patheos.com/blogs/samrocha/2014/05/fear-of-generosity/

"If you speak to someone about something controversial, like abortion or war, in intimate and full confidence, you will usually hear a vastly different story from the one we routinely hear and see in public, no matter what the opinion is or what side is taken. This is understandable. There are real liabilities to being open and honest. Anyone who has told the unvarnished truth many times in public has been punished for it.

"Liabilities aside, there is still a serious problem: in place of sincere, but measured, conversation and dialogue, we get defensive postures mostly intended to hold one’s ground. Sometimes this gains ground, almost unwittingly, but the gains and losses come and go, the former are celebrated and the latter ignored, and soon a fear of generosity becomes the more significant outcome."

And some more:

"I’ve heard it said so many times: “I would be willing to consider X view, contrary to my own, and I think it has some merit, but the other side is using this to find an opening and muscle their way in.” The slippery slope fallacy abounds not so much for logical reasons, but for temperamental ones. People seem to fear the possibility of granting ground or goodwill to their opposition.

"In fact, there are very few subjects of real controversy where I suspect that any side, no matter how crazy sounding, is operating out of malice or bad intentions. Sure, false consciousness plagues us all, and blind spots are always lurking, but when it comes to what people intend, I am not so sure that good intentions can’t win the day.

"Of course, as Ivan Illich reminds us, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

"But conversation relies on generosity, the ability to offer your interlocutor the assumption that they are not speaking in bad faith in advance, the assumption of good will and, yes, even good intentions. If we cannot be generous, then we simply cannot communicate. There is no conversation between ungenerous combatants. We can’t even fight — and we don’t, we just repeat the same, tired refrains to people who already agree with us and give angry gotcha replies to the one’s who venture into our territory."