A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, waits in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Green, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom."
So the taxi-driver enters Heaven with his robe and staff, and the minister is next in line. Without being asked, he proclaims, "I am Michael O'Connor, head pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list and says, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the preacher, "that man was a taxi-driver, and you issued him a silken robe and golden staff. But I get wood and cotton. How can this be?"
"Up here, we go by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept -- while he drove, people prayed."
Humans shed about 600,000 particles of skin every hour. That works out to about 1.5 pounds each year, so the average person will lose around 105 pounds of skin by age 70.
An adult has fewer bones than a baby. We start off life with 350 bones, but because bones fuse together during growth, we end up with only 206 as adults.
Did you know that you get a new stomach lining every three to four days? If you didn't, the strong acids your stomach uses to digest food would also digest your stomach.
Your nose is not as sensitive as a dog's, but it can remember 50,000 different scents.
The small intestine is about four times as long as the average adult is tall. If it weren't looped back and forth upon itself, its length of 18 to 23 feet wouldn't fit into the abdominal cavity, making things rather messy.
This will really make your skin crawl: Every square inc¬h of skin on the human body has about 32 million bacteria on it, but fortunately, the vast majority of them are harmless.
The source of smelly feet, like smelly armpits, is ¬sweat. And people sweat buckets from their feet. A pair of feet have 500,000 sweat glands and can produce more than a pint of sweat a day.
Don't stick out your tongue if you want to hide your identity. Similar to fingerprints, everyone also has a unique tongue print!
Blood has a long road to travel: Laid end to end, there are about 60,000 miles of blood vessels in the human body. And the hard-working heart pumps about 2,000 gallons of blood through those vessels every day.
You may not want to swim in your spit, but if you saved it all up, you could. In a lifetime, the average person produces about 25,000 quarts of saliva -- enough to fill two swimming pools!
Once upon a time, in the West Lake village, a servant lived with his master. After service of about 30 years, his master became ill and was going to die. One day, the master called his servant and asked him for a wish. It could be any wish but just one. The master gave him one day to think about it. The servant became very happy and went to his mother for discussion about the wish. His mother was blind and she asked her son for making a wish for her eye-sight to come back. Then the servant went to his wife. She became very excited and asked for a son as they were childless for many years. After that, the servant went to his father who wanted to be rich and so he asked his son to wish for a lot of money. The next day he went to his master and made one wish through which all the three (mother, father, wife) got what they wanted. You have to tell what the servant asked the master.
The answer here:
http://www.braingle.com/brainteasers/3657/the-servants-wish.htmlFrom my nine year old nephew:
What is greater than God,
more evil than the devil,
the poor have it,
the rich need it,
and if you eat it, you'll die?
Rufus wrote:
:thumbup: Very nice. Those times do go by fast, but if we still have children it is not too late. I pray the Lord will still continue to use me to help them along the way. Thank you
Thank you, I pray along with you for that opportunity.
Thank you very much and glad you enjoyed it.
Elwood wrote:
Going the e-mail rounds. br br Very interestin... (
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Second one works. Shocking how Extremely moving this was for me, really gripped my soul bringing the past to life in color like that...and the music was perfect! Thank you very much for this.
msbee wrote:
6 - or where you can tie up your horse
18 - only in Texas
22 - would that be sweet tea?
23 - I have had both and liked the 350 best
26 - already did that
Thanks for the laughs!!
:-) :lol: :lol:
Your welcome. Enjoyed these myself.
Rufus wrote:
He also said those who do not work do not eat.
This was said to those who believed the end was coming at any minute and so saw no need to work. Children and widows and those severely afflicted did not work: Paul was not condemning them, just this particular group.
ReverendCharles wrote:
Using God to belittle others. Is that what God sent his only begotten Son to teach us? Are you walking in the footsteps of Christ or just talking the talk?
As Christians we must not get caught up in h**e.
Read Armageddon's thread, he nails it.
Elwood wrote:
http://biggeekdad.com/2012/01/how-old-people-park-their-car/
:lol: :lol:
Hilarious! Thank you, needed that.
Armageddun wrote:
Many are happily tied together in bonds of love and agreement, families, friends, hobbies, work, church, and even some politically. (a rare event.)
However, the thought came to me that there are so many who are disconnected. Some by their own choosing, some dreadfully so through no fault of their own. Some have run away while others may have been deserted . Others ignored as they pass through life because they are different.
Being different is ok unless the difference one espouses comes from r*******n of honest and true principles. However let it be said that the majority is not always right.
We, (America) are going through massive changes in society, not only are the changes numerous, they are quickly almost over whelming for certain segments in our nation.
For the most part folks either fear or h**e change because it disrupts comfort and a sense of security. The only thing certain in all of our lives is change but we seem to want to have a sense of control as it affects each of our lives.
There are many things about change we may be able to control. However there are also many things about change which are beyond our control.
Not wanting to make this a sermon or a political speech, I suppose I must get to the point.
The issues in which we find ourselves involved in are international issues, not just national changes.
There is a sense that we as civilized people are being led or herded by some seen and maybe unseen forces. There is much confusion and even h**eful debate among fellow Americans that is helping both the seen and the unseen forces, allowing them to accomplish what their intended agenda might be.
Wh**ever the outcome, hopefully the outcome will be for the betterment of not only America but for mankind worldwide. America has been the Big Brother, not in the Orwellian sense but in the compassionate sense. Yes we have done our share of destruction around the world at times.
But not until recent years has America been the aggressor. We once were the nation that sent more aid, help, missionaries, medical aid, aid to even rebuild what we destroyed with bombs and bullets.
Yes we have had our own disputes internally; different ideologies, different methods of accomplishing lasting goals. But we usually worked them out through negotiation, compromise, yes and even prayer.
We have reached a place where fun debate, useless debate, rude debate must come to a conclusion because whether we be united or divided, what looms on the horizon will affect those equally on both side of the isle.
There is coming a time when the freedom of debate itself will be tested, and I fear all of America will long for the days when there was free access to debate even if it was foolish.
What is coming will take away both sides of the isle and replace them with one. The one will not be the one that we the people have freely chosen.
We are all in this together, I pray that at some point God will be the rallying cry. Because we will either stand together or fall together if we do not find a central focus point of t***h.
No Man Is An Island
John Donne 1572-1631
No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friends were.
Each mans death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.
Many are happily tied together in bonds of love an... (
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This was excellent, thank you. But I would add that the "bell tolls" over the loses due to our d******eness and h**e; we are diminished in every failure to love our neighbor and enemy as ourselves.
You Might Be A Texan If...
1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, Mexia, Waco, Beaumont, Pflugerville, Kerrville, Boerne, New Braunfels, Amarillo, Pedernales and Leakey!!
2. Your manners include: "Please", "Thank You", "Excuse me", "Ma'am", and "Sir" & you wanna punch those who don't use them.
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to put the stuff out in the yard you wanna get rid of.
4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
5. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C", TWICE in the same day.
6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.
7. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
8. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals, with the utmost respect!
9. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
10. You measure distance in minutes or hours.
11. You hear and use the term "fixin' to" daily.
12. You know that the Chicken Ranch didn't really raise chickens.
13. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.
14. You go to the lake because you know what a Bigmouth and a Striper is.
15. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
16. You know cowpies are not made of beef.
17. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan a wedding date.
18. You have known someone who has had one belt buckle bigger than your fist.
19. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
20. You know that "DamnYankee" is one word.
21. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store... and it's a drive-thru.
22. You always have iced tea and cold beer available for guests.
23. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 diesel 4x4 is.
24. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressing or hot sauce.
25. You learned how to shoot a gun as soon as you could walk.
26. You actually like these jokes and are fixin' to send them to your friends.
27. You know not to order a chicken fried steak using words like "rare" or "well done".
28. You never use the word "veggies".
29. You know where the Cotton Bowl is.
30. You are 100% Texan if you've EVER heard this conversation:
"You wanna coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."