Ya gotta wonder who the 20% are. What do they see that I don't?

Since there are twice as many conservatives as liberals in this country, it becomes necessary to implement the following tactics in order to ensure that the minority controls the debate. The following is a partial list of requirements for those who wish to become Certified Liberals:

1. Memorize a list of derogatory names to call anyone who disagrees with you. If needed, we have a list of pre-approved names for your convenience, including: radical, r****t, lunatic fringe, extremist, tea bagger, and many others.

2. Whenever anything goes wrong, always blame it on Bush. No matter how silly it sounds the LIVs will believe it.

3. If anything goes right, take full credit and don't worry, the press will support you.

4. Always assume that those who disagree with you have devious motives.

5. Play the race card at every opportunity. Keep in mind, however, that only white people can be r****t.

6. Remember when you were little and your mommy scolded you and you justified your behavior by saying, " ... but Johnny did it too." Well, that tactic still works.

7. Repeat this mantra over and over ... "government is good, business is evil."

8. Accept that you are a superior being and you can probably make far better decisions for other people than they can for themselves.

9. Never give to charity ... it's much better to confiscate funds through taxation and spend other people's money to take care of those in need. Besides, this will help to grow the bureaucracy.

10. Whenever a conservative attempts to discuss an issue or an idea with you, be sure to make everything personal. If necessary, don't hesitate to raise your voice and talk over the other person. Always talk, never listen. Bullying is better than logic.

11. Learn to defend the indefensible. Never allow reason to get in the way. Substance is meaningless, style is everything.

12. Support all unions and they will support you.

13. Remember that people in Hollywood are inherently brilliant simply by the fact that they are sk**led in the art of faking sincerity. Having no knowledge about a subject doesn't matter because they are attractive.