Hi all, figured it was time , and laughter is
good for the soul.
I walk into a bar that opens at 11am order a shot and a beer. The bar tender is of course a little hesitant and takes his time and is asking things like , it’s alittle early, and never seen you before etc . So I tell him the t***h. I am stressed out to the max. All I hear is everything I do is wrong, I am always late, I can’t cook . On and on. That’s it the bar tender says your wife is terrible the next round is on me.. No no I say I haven’t been home yet I am talking about my captain , I work on a tug boat........

Having taken some time off I get back to the boat and the captain asks how my time off was.. So I tell him about this 4x6 ,300 pound glass coffee table the wife and I have and her need to rearrange . It all after a lot of effort and 4 hours ends up right where it started.. To this the Cap says,” Ma La, you table him all wrong for da room. Ya cut him corners off and you never have dat problem again.. you wife say move dat table and you say look i did . If him round she never know....
Brilliant I think...

It’s crew change, it’s been a grueling hitch and it’s finally over. I am waiting on a plane at the Houston airport in the bar. After not too long these really good looking girls start chatting me up. Me , well I am impressed if this is a gift from God I’ll take it.. they are regional reps from Atlanta etc and by this time have moved to my side of the bar. What do You do they ask you seam seam to know a lot of very technical things . So I tell the the t***h I am a pilot. Well hold on sparky there interest is starting to make me nervous . Who do you fly for, do you have your own plane, were you military. The questions are coming so fast I just sit there waiting for a pause . Then when it does I tell them tug boat pilot, and you know what they got up and left me. At this the bar tender starts this low chuckle that erupts to full on tears streaming body shaking laughter telling me ,” man that’s the funniest s**t I have ever seen”....
Thanks