Are you sure about the Thousand Oaks? I should think they would prefer living on the coast. Thousand Oaks is quite arid, gets extremely hot during the summer, and is very uncomfortable. It is often in the 100° + for days on end. However, I suppose they could become acclimated to the climate after a period of time. I will check to see if they ever visit the San Diego Wild Animal Park, or Zoo to perhaps visit long lost cousins. I'm sure the attendants at both facilities would remember them if they did visit. It isn't as though they wouldn't be recognized. They certainly wouldn't be considered "wall flowers" by any stretch of the imagination.

Very late in life I came to the reluctant realization that anytime there is a need to forgive, there is something wrong in me. (I say reluctant because it seemed I thrived on blame and resentment for about a decade.) I do need constant reminders of this axiom but quickly or slowly it proves true every time. I usually don't like this at first because there seems a human need to luxuriate in being wronged, and as I have found, for a number of reasons. Yet all those reasons deal with in some way assuaging or hiding character defects and shortcomings within me. Denial can serve a healthy function: I may not be emotionally ready to handle a flaw or the death of a loved one and the impact could damage my psyche.

Let me leap to the basis of this concept: emotional maturity is when psychological need becomes more a psychological gift. However much we achieve this t***sformation, in those areas I forget harm done because there was none: it was something in me that needed to be healed or processed. In effect, if I have found wholeness of being, there is no memory to store or forget about any harm done, for no harm can befall me.

Most things I push from my mind act out unconsciously: it is popularly called the Shadow Self. I discovered it is very real and more active than consciousness when there is a life dominated by deep wounds, shame, and guilt. From this I get primarily a reactionary life. It is a rigid lifestyle filled with strict beliefs, judgmentalism, passive-aggression, and blame without thinking. Highly defensive. Yet an ovewhelming vast majority of people operate within this spectrum, to varying degrees, of course.

When I began to see much of the harm I had perceived to be no more than a reaction to some of deep wounds, no ill had been intended, I felt very foolish. But that was good. It made me ask: what other blind spots might I have. I have been steady t work on those things for over thirty years now and I'm just a few watts short of enlightenment today. Just kidding. It appears, at least in my experience, that each age brings a fresh crop of blind spots. Facing old age has its plethora of demons to face or look to ignore and repress.

If I am not attached to what I possess, who can steal from me?
If I am not attached to what I think of myself, who can insult me?

Forgiveness is frequently taught to be for oneself, especially for those deeply damaged, as a way to release from the pain of the past and resulting constraints put on life. This is right and just...but just the beginning of the process. Usually someone needs to get extremely angry before truly opening to this stage of forgiveness. That energy moves them to do something. Only after this do many make the painful realization that how they lived their life, all that hurt and lost opportunities, was actually on them and not the perpetrator. Ow! Yet this is needed to go on.

Talked way too much. I will leave you with this. Every act of forgiveness is the claim of being a victim, and being a victim as an adult is always (Important note: not as a child), 100% of the time, self-imposed.

Which "wrong" is probably legion. :idea: :!:

Now, serious stuff. Does she remember because it was something she had talked about being an issue for her, and you did not "hear" the message and continued doing? Is it just a "nitpick" irritant?

By the way, we did brunch instead of "high tea". Hopefully the endive/crab/avocado salad was an acceptable substitute for the scone. I did have tea instead of coffee at the end. As you are fond of England, I did Stilton with pears for the cheese board. Hopefully such is acceptable. They did not have any tofu or sprouts nor was anyone is jeans, tennis shoes or tee shirts. There are some areas who continue to try and do protocol and substance. You obviously missed the lessons on the first.

Your son did a magnificent job keeping us all informed as to your condition and even joined in discussions and added his two cents on a number of topics. I know this site can become addictive but maybe he can stop by once and awhile and join in the foray. Again welcome back and when winter is finally abated in this area I am looking forward to a attending a Synagogue. I believe that I heard that there are I believe that there are three different classifications of Jewish belief. I don't know whether that is correct or not or if I phrased that properly but there are the reformed Jews, (I think these are liberals) and then there are two others and I can't remember what they are called. I would like to attend the conservative one if possible and don' remember which it is. Again welcome back and good to see you up and around.