Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa

Anger management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed. A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. May I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, (I had his number on speed dial ), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole."

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called Asshole #2 "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!"

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 3 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.

NOW, I feel better. Anger management really works!

bahmer

That was funny thanks for the laughs Oldsailor65.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

hdjimv Loc: South Dakota

Eastern OZ Loc: With the wizard.

Well worth the read.


LOL

DM

OldSailer65: I needed that today! I am sick of garbage everywhere we turn and I was giggling
and thought for one minute I got rid of Obama, Biden, Trump craziness and for a minute or two
we escaped it all...Send more....Humor "saves!"

Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa

Here's a bunch ov'm
http://vernirwin.net/more%20humor.html

DM

OldSailor65: What a gem...saving this! Wow..."Modern Parable"..."Clinton's Oath"...."Funny Church
Moments"..."Dem. Convention..2016"...remarkable.... YOU ARE A GEM!
Good for boring days in CO19! Thanks!

Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa

Most of these jokes are 50-60 years old. Did you ever consider that the art of telling jokes is lost...it has been replaced by copy & paste and email...how long has it been since friend actually told you a joke??? My favorite joke tellers were: Johnathon Winters, Bob Newhart, Bill Cosby .....comedians who could tell a joke without using profanity or making fun of the President!

DM

OldSailer65: AMen! Also, sometimes on UTube, you can get some of those old ones....One older
lady addressing a bunch of older people at a luncheon was just a riot...."never been old before, put my
Macy's bill in the collection, drove in the exit of the car-wash etc...decent jokes don't get the laughs
anymore...

Big dog

That’s great. I think ya may have given me an idea!!

ed4short Loc: New Hampshire

Mike Easterday

Quit giving me good ideas! 😄😄😄😄

maximus Loc: Chattanooga, Tennessee

Got a good laugh from that evil thinking!

Army

That's what the goverment has done to us ,,,,holes