https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/denmark-offers-to-buy-us?utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Borowitz_082019&utm_medium=email&bxid=5bd681ab24c17c104804095a&cndid=52928333&esrc=bounceX&utm_term=TNY_Borowitz

By Andy BorowitzAugust 16, 2019

COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.

“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.”

“Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government,” the spokesperson added.

A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country “to be determined,” with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.

If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that, by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.


Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

I cannot believe a confirmed Putin Hater would ever ask that. The Ukraine is or was a friend of the United states. They were useful in containing the bad behavior of Russia. When Obama allowed Vlad to steal territory from the Ukraine it strengthened Russia and hurt the Ukraine.

When Obama cancelled Bush's missile shield in Eastern Europe that was stupidity. When Obama mocked Romney in a debate, because Romney CORRECTLY called Russia our biggest Security threat, that was a disgrace.

But of course you are right, who gives a crap ? After the Mueller investigation crashed and burned, who gives a flying crap about anything Russian ?

I cannot believe a confirmed Putin Hater would ever ask that. The Ukraine is or was a friend of the United states. They were useful in containing the bad behavior of Russia. When Obama allowed Vlad to steal territory from the Ukraine it strengthened Russia and hurt the Ukraine.

When Obama cancelled Bush's missile shield in Eastern Europe that was stupidity. When Obama mocked Romney in a debate, because Romney CORRECTLY called Russia our biggest Security threat, that was a disgrace.

But of course you are right, who gives a crap ? After the Mueller investigation crashed and burned, who gives a flying crap about anything Russian ?

I can only guess Trump's plan on Russia. If he is helping Russia it is in America's best interest. My guess is that it involves China and North Korea. When Nixon opened up Chinese relations and Trade talks it was in recognition of the increasing friction between China and the Soviet Union. Nixon exploited an opportunity. I believe Trump knows at this time Russia is pretty weak. America's fracking has made oil very cheap, which hurts Russia. If Trump wanted to really really help Russia he would pull an Obama and try to kill off Fracking.

He does not want Russia to collapse. A Chinese collapse would be nice. I am thinking his game is not to let Russia get too weak and use them against China and to influence North Korean behavior.