AuntiE
Loc: 45th Least Free State
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your brother at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure through the nasal cavity, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, "How much will a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a Liberal's brain; $200 for a Conservative's brain." The moment turned awkward. Some of the Liberals actually had to try not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the Conservatives.
Another brother unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the Liberal's brain so much more than a Conservative's brain?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Conservative's brains a lot lower because they're used."
2quick4u
Loc: Somewhere in central Tx...
HAAAAA!!!!!
A WORLD HISTORY LESSONš
SO TRUE!!!!!
Beer and the Wheel
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so whilsse our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Conservatives.
2. Liberals.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians' which was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men āevolvedā into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals like special flavored beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine spritzers or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self, I'm going to grab a few beers and grill some steaks!
AuntiE wrote:
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your brother at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure through the nasal cavity, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, "How much will a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a Liberal's brain; $200 for a Conservative's brain." The moment turned awkward. Some of the Liberals actually had to try not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the Conservatives.
Another brother unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the Liberal's brain so much more than a Conservative's brain?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Conservative's brains a lot lower because they're used."
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somb... (
show quote)
And don't forget that the maintenance on a liberal brain is expensive. You've got to keep it in a safe space suspended in a carefully monitored solution of soy milk, progressive pablum, and hypocrisy.
2quick4u wrote:
HAAAAA!!!!!
A WORLD HISTORY LESSONš
SO TRUE!!!!!
Beer and the Wheel
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so whilsse our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Conservatives.
2. Liberals.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians' which was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men āevolvedā into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals like special flavored beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine spritzers or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self, I'm going to grab a few beers and grill some steaks!
HAAAAA!!!!! br br A WORLD HISTORY LESSONš br ... (
show quote)
you aint kidding . that was good .
[quote=AuntiE]Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your brother at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure through the nasal cavity, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, "How much will a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a Liberal's brain; $200 for a Conservative's brain." The moment turned awkward. Some of the Liberals actually had to try not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the Conservatives.
Another brother unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the Liberal's brain so much more than a Conservative's brain?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Conservative's brains a lot lower because they're used."[/quote
]lol
I have always felt that Slatten's brain was used and prolly abused
AuntiE wrote:
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your brother at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure through the nasal cavity, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, "How much will a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a Liberal's brain; $200 for a Conservative's brain." The moment turned awkward. Some of the Liberals actually had to try not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the Conservatives.
Another brother unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the Liberal's brain so much more than a Conservative's brain?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Conservative's brains a lot lower because they're used."
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somb... (
show quote)
Amen and Amen very good AuntiE thanks for the laughs.
If you want to reply, then
register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.