Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa

Red Skelton's Jokes.......

Still good stuff..

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage,
good food and companionship. She goes on ...Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water
in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
The driver said, "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start
with a four letter word.

It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words,
"And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.

bahmer

Sure do miss those days.

Betta

Skelton was the supreme consummate comedian. I think it was him who said something to the effect that if you have to use profanity to be funny, you're not funny. Like the black comedian Sinbad, the guy is funny as hell and not once does he use profanity. His parents were usually in the audience. Unlike another black comedian, Cat, or something like that, can't stomach him. Literally every other word is the F bomb. He's not funny at all.

Fit2BTied Loc: Texas

Classic. Both Red and his comedy. Saw this fun quicky on a PBS special some time ago. https://youtu.be/ixv_Z7VhDbs

Oldsailor65 Loc: Iowa

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Thanks it is a very good joke.
I haven't paid attention to so called comedy on TV since Jay Leno was forced off of "The Tonight Show", but now he can occasionally be seen on "The Last Man Standing", on Fox.

I really liked Johanathn Winters, Bill Cosby's records in the early 1960s, black George Wallace the comedian and many others. These comedians had talent.

Without talent "current" so called comedians have to resort to profanity and name calling and running down President Trump. All of which is not funny!

Fit2BTied Loc: Texas

Watching the older comedians on Johnny Carson, which thank God is back on over-the-air TV on "Antenna TV" was always a blast. George Gobel, Buddy Hacket, Rodney Dangerfield, Don Rickles and the rest were always good for side-splitting laughs. And the Dean Martin celebrity roasts were amazing (what passes for roasts today are obscene).