badbobby Loc: texas

The Sunday school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt,when little Johnny interrupted"My Mommy looked back when she was driving,and she turned into a telephone pole!

the good Samaritan

Telling the story of the Good Samaritan,the teacher asked her class"If you saw a person lying low on the roadside,all wounded and bleeding,what would you do"?
Little Alice broke the silence,"I'd throw up"

Did Noah fish

Teacher asked little Johnny"Do you think Noah fished a lot while on the ark"?"No"answered Johnny"he couldn't have fished much,he only had two worms"

higher power

Teacher to her pupils"WE have been learning how powerful Kings were in Biblical times,but there is a higher power.Can anyone tell me what it is"?
Finally little johnny answered"Aces"

Moses and the Red Sea

Nine year old Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School."Well Mom,our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.When he got to the Red Sea,he had his army build a pontoon bridge and the Israelites all walked across safely.Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements.headquarters sent demolition teams to blow up the bridge,and the Israelites were saved"
His mother admonished him"Johnny that is certainly not what your teacher taught you"
Little Johnny replied"Well Mom,you're right,but if I told it to you the way the teacher told it,you wouldn't believe me"

The Lord is my shepherd

The teacher decided to have her class memorize the most quoted psalm in the Bible,Psalm 23.
She gave the kids a month to learn the chapter.Little Johnny was excited about the task,but try as he may,he just could not remember the Psalm.After hours of practice ,he could barely get past the first line.
Om the day the kids were to recite the 23rd psalm in front of the congregation,Johnny was the first to be called upon to recite the Psalm.
Johnny was nervous and scared,but he bravely approached the microphone and proudly stated"The Lord is my shepherd,and that's all I need to know"

the unanswered prayer

The preachers five year old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.One day ,she asked him why.
"Well honey",he began.Proud that his daughter was so observant"I'm asking God to help me preach a good sermon"
his daughter asked"Then why doesn't he help you?"

an untimely answered prayer

during the preacher's sermon,a loud whistle was heard from the back pews.
Little johnny's mother was horrified.She pinched him into silence,and then after church,she asked him"Johnny what on earth made you do such a thing"?
Johnny answered soberly"I asked God to teach me to whistle,and he did."

All men and all girls

When little Alice said her bedtime prayers she would always ask God to bless every family member,every friend,and her pet puppy.
them she would add "and all girls".this became her routine closing and her mother asked her"Why do you always add the part about "all girls?'
Alice responded "Because everyone else finishes by saying "all men"

Say a prayer

Little johnny and his family were having dinner at his Grand mothers house .everyone was seated and the food was served,and Johnny immediately started eating.
"johnny"admonished his mother"Wait until we have said our prayer".
Johnny said"But I don't need to"
"Of course you do "replied his mom We always say a prayer before we eat when we are home"
"Well"Johnny said"That's at home,this is grandma's house,and she knows how to cook"

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I'm guessing you knew that Little Johnny became a Marine....right A damn fine one, too.

badbobby Loc: texas

only after failing the Navy's entrance exam
but yes he was a dam fine Marine
of course they don't expect as much as the real Navy
good try tho Slat

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Yes, it is true that Little Johnny failed his entrance exam by scoring off the charts and proving too highly qualified for the Navy. That being the case, they elevated him to the Men's Department of the Navy, The USMC...thereby allowing him to serve his country with great honor and pride.

badbobby Loc: texas

I'm afraid you've been brainwashed
bobrecito

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

"Bobrecito " Who is Bob Must be Squid speak.

badbobby Loc: texas

explain please
seems I'm a lil slow

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I'ma thinkin' you meant to put 'pobrecito,' which means..."poor little thing (or Squid)" in Spanish.

Salty, aka PoppaGringo, uses the term a lot.

badbobby Loc: texas

lol
missed it
yes I did mean p-not b
and I do feel sorry for you
you being a Jarhead and all

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Don't feel sorry for this Marine. I am currently eating a small bowl of sugar-free butterscotch pudding. All is good.

badbobby Loc: texas

yummy

mongo Loc: TEXAS

I knew that was coming. If not you, I was about to post the same. Good thing I learned to read, it did however disqualify me for the Navy!

SEMPER FI

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Funny thing about the Navy entrance exam...it was to be taken in crayon and on a Big Chief Tablet printed in large block letters.

.308 Remington S. R. Loc: Texas

I have it from a very reliable source, little Johnny thought anchor clankers were wusses, Air Force, wing nuts, Army, ground pounders, and Coast Guard, puddle pirates, so he became a bullet sponge, and a damn good one at that.
Thank you for your service little Johnny!
A point to ponder...
Returning from across the pond in 1971, we were called child killers, urine and feces thrown on us and other things...today these same people who treated us like that now "thank me for my service" go figure. just sayin'

badbobby Loc: texas

you two Jarheads are listening to too much Marine propaganda
i'm so sorry
if you had been good enough you could have had the benefit of exemplary Naval training
and you would have had no need for all that bs the Marines feed you
but do not dispair
Marines make excellent door stops