Understanding Engineers
Mar 30, 2017 18:27:25 #
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when
one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what
you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs
to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen
such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with
him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of
us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
we always let them play for free anytime!."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must
have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational
area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and
stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
------------------------------ ------------
Two
engineers???
Two engineers were standing at the base of a f**gpole, looking at its
top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this f**gpole," said one, "but
we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple
of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape
measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced,
"Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us.
We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are
currently serving in the United States Congress.
And of course when Lady Godiva made her famous ride an Engineer was the only person who noticed that Godiva Rode A horse.
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when
one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what
you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs
to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen
such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with
him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of
us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
we always let them play for free anytime!."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must
have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational
area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and
stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
------------------------------ ------------
Two
engineers???
Two engineers were standing at the base of a f**gpole, looking at its
top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this f**gpole," said one, "but
we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple
of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape
measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced,
"Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us.
We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are
currently serving in the United States Congress.
And of course when Lady Godiva made her famous ride an Engineer was the only person who noticed that Godiva Rode A horse.
Mar 30, 2017 18:58:14 #
Mar 31, 2017 18:17:50 #
pafret wrote:
Understanding Engineers #1 br br Two engineering ... (show quote)
gooduns paf
but I would substitute marines for engineers in some of them
Mar 31, 2017 18:24:41 #
badbobby wrote:
gooduns paf
but I would substitute marines for engineers in some of them
but I would substitute marines for engineers in some of them
Yes, some of these are universal. But they sure are typical of Engineering thinking.
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