slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

English is a great language for puns and word games, and as we've said before, we're suckers for puns so bad that they are so good! Enjoy the following jokes, they made us laugh our socks off!


A bicycle can’t stand alone, it is two tired

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

A dentist and a manicurist married - they fought tooth and nail.

A thief who stole a calendar... got twelve months.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Acupuncture: A jab well done.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all-right now.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

Show me a piano falling down a mine-shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.

A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother called to ask how he was, a nurse said "No change yet".

The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.

Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards: their feet SMELL and their noses RUN

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase ‘fire at will’.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Quakerwidow Loc: Chestertown, MD

Good ones.

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

Getting a free sack of beans is fartuitous.

Diarrhea really craps my style.

I got a fecal t***splant from a female so I don't "fart" anymore, I "fluff" - which I find imminently more embarrassing.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

I find it hard to believe that you are susceptible to embarrassment, Doc.

Sons of Liberty Loc: look behind you!

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

Yeah? Try fluffing a big one in public and nobody notices. That is embarrassing, but - about the only thing that does embarrass me.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Okay, you win. You should be embarrassed for "fluffing" in public.

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

I've gotten over it already. Now, I fluff everywhere I go. I fluff with every step I take. I fluff for no reason at all, well, except for the sheer enjoyment of fluffing.

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Well, then, blow it out your a** and have a blast

lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas

Thanks! and same toot you!

slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas

Mayhaps.

boatbob2

The ONE thing,that EVERYONE here on OPP,have in common,is " We are ALL crazy" (except me)