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Mar 2, 2017 16:54:20   #
lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas
 
During a recent conversation with my wife, in which I said something stupid, she replied "I just don't know you anymore" - so I had her committed to a dementia unit.

I was arguing with a cashier over a product that rang-up incorrectly, and I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me, so I started to yell; " who in the hell do you think I am? Do I have any idea who you work for? Do I realize that, with one phone call, you could have me arrested? " The manager gave me a refund.

I stopped to help an old lady ( ok, older lady ) who had driven off the edge of the road and gotten stuck. I easily towed her back onto the black top, for which she was appreciative. She handed me $20, which I refused, as I never charge or accept money for that kind of thing. She looked at me and said "it's either the money - or sex". Knowing that laughing would hurt her feelings, I took the money with a mumbled "thank you", climbed in my truck and drove off. Looking in my rearview, I saw her shaking her fist at me.

I bought groceries the other day, but when I got home I noticed that I already had nearly everything I bought. It turns out, the list I used was last weeks list. Being the honorable dude that I am - I went to the dementia unit and took my wife's place. They let me play on the computer!

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Mar 2, 2017 18:31:15   #
reconreb Loc: America / Inglis Fla.
 
lpnmajor wrote:
During a recent conversation with my wife, in which I said something stupid, she replied "I just don't know you anymore" - so I had her committed to a dementia unit.

I was arguing with a cashier over a product that rang-up incorrectly, and I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me, so I started to yell; " who in the hell do you think I am? Do I have any idea who you work for? Do I realize that, with one phone call, you could have me arrested? " The manager gave me a refund.

I stopped to help an old lady ( ok, older lady ) who had driven off the edge of the road and gotten stuck. I easily towed her back onto the black top, for which she was appreciative. She handed me $20, which I refused, as I never charge or accept money for that kind of thing. She looked at me and said "it's either the money - or sex". Knowing that laughing would hurt her feelings, I took the money with a mumbled "thank you", climbed in my truck and drove off. Looking in my rearview, I saw her shaking her fist at me.

I bought groceries the other day, but when I got home I noticed that I already had nearly everything I bought. It turns out, the list I used was last weeks list. Being the honorable dude that I am - I went to the dementia unit and took my wife's place. They let me play on the computer!
During a recent conversation with my wife, in whic... (show quote)



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Mar 2, 2017 18:44:11   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
lpnmajor wrote:
During a recent conversation with my wife, in which I said something stupid, she replied "I just don't know you anymore" - so I had her committed to a dementia unit.

I was arguing with a cashier over a product that rang-up incorrectly, and I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me, so I started to yell; " who in the hell do you think I am? Do I have any idea who you work for? Do I realize that, with one phone call, you could have me arrested? " The manager gave me a refund.

I stopped to help an old lady ( ok, older lady ) who had driven off the edge of the road and gotten stuck. I easily towed her back onto the black top, for which she was appreciative. She handed me $20, which I refused, as I never charge or accept money for that kind of thing. She looked at me and said "it's either the money - or sex". Knowing that laughing would hurt her feelings, I took the money with a mumbled "thank you", climbed in my truck and drove off. Looking in my rearview, I saw her shaking her fist at me.

I bought groceries the other day, but when I got home I noticed that I already had nearly everything I bought. It turns out, the list I used was last weeks list. Being the honorable dude that I am - I went to the dementia unit and took my wife's place. They let me play on the computer!
During a recent conversation with my wife, in whic... (show quote)


For some reason, none of this...none of it...surprises me about you.

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Mar 2, 2017 19:15:37   #
Louie27 Loc: Peoria, AZ
 
lpnmajor wrote:
During a recent conversation with my wife, in which I said something stupid, she replied "I just don't know you anymore" - so I had her committed to a dementia unit.

I was arguing with a cashier over a product that rang-up incorrectly, and I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me, so I started to yell; " who in the hell do you think I am? Do I have any idea who you work for? Do I realize that, with one phone call, you could have me arrested? " The manager gave me a refund.

I stopped to help an old lady ( ok, older lady ) who had driven off the edge of the road and gotten stuck. I easily towed her back onto the black top, for which she was appreciative. She handed me $20, which I refused, as I never charge or accept money for that kind of thing. She looked at me and said "it's either the money - or sex". Knowing that laughing would hurt her feelings, I took the money with a mumbled "thank you", climbed in my truck and drove off. Looking in my rearview, I saw her shaking her fist at me.

I bought groceries the other day, but when I got home I noticed that I already had nearly everything I bought. It turns out, the list I used was last weeks list. Being the honorable dude that I am - I went to the dementia unit and took my wife's place. They let me play on the computer!
During a recent conversation with my wife, in whic... (show quote)


That's for the laughs. They are all pretty good but the third one was the best.

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Mar 2, 2017 19:27:28   #
kankune Loc: Iowa
 
lpnmajor wrote:
During a recent conversation with my wife, in which I said something stupid, she replied "I just don't know you anymore" - so I had her committed to a dementia unit.

I was arguing with a cashier over a product that rang-up incorrectly, and I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me, so I started to yell; " who in the hell do you think I am? Do I have any idea who you work for? Do I realize that, with one phone call, you could have me arrested? " The manager gave me a refund.

I stopped to help an old lady ( ok, older lady ) who had driven off the edge of the road and gotten stuck. I easily towed her back onto the black top, for which she was appreciative. She handed me $20, which I refused, as I never charge or accept money for that kind of thing. She looked at me and said "it's either the money - or sex". Knowing that laughing would hurt her feelings, I took the money with a mumbled "thank you", climbed in my truck and drove off. Looking in my rearview, I saw her shaking her fist at me.

I bought groceries the other day, but when I got home I noticed that I already had nearly everything I bought. It turns out, the list I used was last weeks list. Being the honorable dude that I am - I went to the dementia unit and took my wife's place. They let me play on the computer!
During a recent conversation with my wife, in whic... (show quote)


Those were good, especially the last one. Good chuckle....thx

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Mar 2, 2017 21:20:51   #
Wolf counselor Loc: Heart of Texas
 
lpnmajor wrote:
During a recent conversation with my wife, in which I said something stupid, she replied "I just don't know you anymore" - so I had her committed to a dementia unit.

I was arguing with a cashier over a product that rang-up incorrectly, and I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me, so I started to yell; " who in the hell do you think I am? Do I have any idea who you work for? Do I realize that, with one phone call, you could have me arrested? " The manager gave me a refund.

I stopped to help an old lady ( ok, older lady ) who had driven off the edge of the road and gotten stuck. I easily towed her back onto the black top, for which she was appreciative. She handed me $20, which I refused, as I never charge or accept money for that kind of thing. She looked at me and said "it's either the money - or sex". Knowing that laughing would hurt her feelings, I took the money with a mumbled "thank you", climbed in my truck and drove off. Looking in my rearview, I saw her shaking her fist at me.

I bought groceries the other day, but when I got home I noticed that I already had nearly everything I bought. It turns out, the list I used was last weeks list. Being the honorable dude that I am - I went to the dementia unit and took my wife's place. They let me play on the computer!
During a recent conversation with my wife, in whic... (show quote)


You caught me off guard, sir.

Even I got a grin out of these.

And I have NO sense of humor.

Now I'm sorry for being so hard on you all the time.

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Mar 3, 2017 15:12:18   #
boatbob2
 
NOPE,I liked the one,of the Lady,shaking her fist at you....I cant believe you passed on that,you mustve been AIR FORCE,,,Marines,Swabbies,and Soldiers,would have NEVER passed on her !

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Mar 3, 2017 15:39:47   #
lpnmajor Loc: Arkansas
 
boatbob2 wrote:
NOPE,I liked the one,of the Lady,shaking her fist at you....I cant believe you passed on that,you mustve been AIR FORCE,,,Marines,Swabbies,and Soldiers,would have NEVER passed on her !


Um, she was like 90 or something. Unlike Marines, Sailors have standards.

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Mar 3, 2017 17:02:01   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
lpnmajor wrote:
Um, she was like 90 or something. Unlike Marines, Sailors have standards.


Slow burn, Doc


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Mar 3, 2017 18:07:26   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
lpnmajor wrote:
During a recent conversation with my wife, in which I said something stupid, she replied "I just don't know you anymore" - so I had her committed to a dementia unit.

I was arguing with a cashier over a product that rang-up incorrectly, and I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me, so I started to yell; " who in the hell do you think I am? Do I have any idea who you work for? Do I realize that, with one phone call, you could have me arrested? " The manager gave me a refund.

I stopped to help an old lady ( ok, older lady ) who had driven off the edge of the road and gotten stuck. I easily towed her back onto the black top, for which she was appreciative. She handed me $20, which I refused, as I never charge or accept money for that kind of thing. She looked at me and said "it's either the money - or sex". Knowing that laughing would hurt her feelings, I took the money with a mumbled "thank you", climbed in my truck and drove off. Looking in my rearview, I saw her shaking her fist at me.

I bought groceries the other day, but when I got home I noticed that I already had nearly everything I bought. It turns out, the list I used was last weeks list. Being the honorable dude that I am - I went to the dementia unit and took my wife's place. They let me play on the computer!
During a recent conversation with my wife, in whic... (show quote)


very good doc

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Mar 3, 2017 18:09:32   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
slatten49 wrote:
Slow burn, Doc

img src="https://static.onepoliticalplaza.com/ima... (show quote)


ha ha Slat
doc played Gotcha

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Mar 3, 2017 18:31:27   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
badbobby wrote:
ha ha Slat
doc played Gotcha


Doc gets some slack, BB. He's a Corpsman

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Mar 3, 2017 18:47:56   #
badbobby Loc: texas
 
slatten49 wrote:
Doc gets some slack, BB. He's a Corpsman


even Corpsmen
can play "Gotcha"

Reply
Mar 3, 2017 18:58:28   #
lindajoy Loc: right here with you....
 
lpnmajor wrote:
During a recent conversation with my wife, in which I said something stupid, she replied "I just don't know you anymore" - so I had her committed to a dementia unit.

I was arguing with a cashier over a product that rang-up incorrectly, and I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me, so I started to yell; " who in the hell do you think I am? Do I have any idea who you work for? Do I realize that, with one phone call, you could have me arrested? " The manager gave me a refund.

I stopped to help an old lady ( ok, older lady ) who had driven off the edge of the road and gotten stuck. I easily towed her back onto the black top, for which she was appreciative. She handed me $20, which I refused, as I never charge or accept money for that kind of thing. She looked at me and said "it's either the money - or sex". Knowing that laughing would hurt her feelings, I took the money with a mumbled "thank you", climbed in my truck and drove off. Looking in my rearview, I saw her shaking her fist at me.

I bought groceries the other day, but when I got home I noticed that I already had nearly everything I bought. It turns out, the list I used was last weeks list. Being the honorable dude that I am - I went to the dementia unit and took my wife's place. They let me play on the computer!
During a recent conversation with my wife, in whic... (show quote)


Only you major!!!👍👏👏

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Mar 3, 2017 19:38:50   #
slatten49 Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
 
lindajoy wrote:
Only you major!!!👍👏👏


Isn't that what The Platters sang, maybe with Lpnmajor in mind Nah.

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