What Women Want
Jan 30, 2017 05:04:06 #
Inflated Ego
A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million American Women Want."
He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.
His wife was a little annoyed. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"
He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."
Speeding
A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky.
An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket.
"How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked.
The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.
"You mean," asked the motorist, "even He is against me?"
Two Lawyers
Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case.
"Look," said one to the other, "let's be honest with each other."
"Okay, you first," replied the other.
That was the end of the discussion.
Unruly Child
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against him. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank, and proudly announced, 'I'm running away from home!'.
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. 'What if you get hungry?', he said.
'Then I'll come home and eat!', bravely declared the child. ' And what if you run out of money?'.
'I will come home and get some!', readily replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt, 'What if your clothes get dirty?'.
'Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them.', was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, 'This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!'.
A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million American Women Want."
He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.
His wife was a little annoyed. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"
He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."
Speeding
A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky.
An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket.
"How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked.
The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.
"You mean," asked the motorist, "even He is against me?"
Two Lawyers
Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case.
"Look," said one to the other, "let's be honest with each other."
"Okay, you first," replied the other.
That was the end of the discussion.
Unruly Child
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against him. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank, and proudly announced, 'I'm running away from home!'.
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. 'What if you get hungry?', he said.
'Then I'll come home and eat!', bravely declared the child. ' And what if you run out of money?'.
'I will come home and get some!', readily replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt, 'What if your clothes get dirty?'.
'Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them.', was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, 'This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!'.
Jan 30, 2017 08:24:08 #
Jan 31, 2017 16:36:39 #
Larry the Legend wrote:
b Inflated Ego /b br br A man and his wife were... (show quote)
liked the one about what women want
kinda reminds me of me
Feb 1, 2017 16:56:08 #
Here's one
A wealth lady was lying on her death bed. So she called in her Doctor, Pastor and Lawyer.
She informed them that she was giving each one a third of her wealth. They were instructed that each was to place there third into her casket on the day of her service because she wanted to take it all with her. Six months are so later the three were having coffee together when the pastor said that I have something that I need to get off of my chest. Our Church had a desperate need for a children's building so I used the money to finance the building. The Doctor then said I should also confess. The hospital had a need for a new building and equipment. To which the Lawyer exclaimed. You dirty dogs don't you realize that I walked up to that casket and threw in a check for the full amount!
A wealth lady was lying on her death bed. So she called in her Doctor, Pastor and Lawyer.
She informed them that she was giving each one a third of her wealth. They were instructed that each was to place there third into her casket on the day of her service because she wanted to take it all with her. Six months are so later the three were having coffee together when the pastor said that I have something that I need to get off of my chest. Our Church had a desperate need for a children's building so I used the money to finance the building. The Doctor then said I should also confess. The hospital had a need for a new building and equipment. To which the Lawyer exclaimed. You dirty dogs don't you realize that I walked up to that casket and threw in a check for the full amount!
Feb 1, 2017 19:42:50 #
Weaver wrote:
Here's one br A wealth lady was lying on her deat... (show quote)
hmmm
wonder if that is what Slatten has in mind to pay off his ious(poker debts) when I'm gone
Feb 1, 2017 19:59:33 #
Feb 2, 2017 15:18:38 #
Weaver wrote:
If he is a lawyer it might be.
he's not a lawyer
but he is a Jarhead
aint that about the same?
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