Redneck Manners...
Jan 29, 2017 12:06:18 #
Don G. Dinsdale
Loc: El Cajon, CA (San Diego County)
Still Funny, Thanks Terry... Don D.
Redneck Manners
.1
Never take a beer to a job interview.
2.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3.
It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
DINING OUT
1.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2.
Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1.
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
2.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend
to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING: (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1.
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.'
3.
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4.
Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as,
'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
WEDDINGS
1.
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3.
For the g***m, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4.
Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.
5.
It is not appropriate to tell the g***m how good his wife is in the sack.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1.
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.
3.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4.
When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
1.
All the DNA is the same.
2.
There are no dental records.
Redneck Manners
.1
Never take a beer to a job interview.
2.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3.
It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
DINING OUT
1.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2.
Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1.
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
2.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend
to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING: (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1.
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.'
3.
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4.
Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as,
'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
WEDDINGS
1.
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3.
For the g***m, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4.
Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.
5.
It is not appropriate to tell the g***m how good his wife is in the sack.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1.
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
always has the right of way.
3.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4.
When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
1.
All the DNA is the same.
2.
There are no dental records.
Jan 29, 2017 13:16:26 #
Why do you i***tic,morons keep talking down on us REDNECKS ??? (proud of it) you have enough r****ds up NORTH,to talk about....
Jan 29, 2017 13:27:41 #
Jan 29, 2017 13:36:41 #
Don G. Dinsdale
Loc: El Cajon, CA (San Diego County)
You are 100% correct, maybe more... I live in UT we have more than our share here, LDS some of them... Don D.
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boatbob2 wrote:
Why do you i***tic,morons keep talking down on us REDNECKS ??? (proud of it) you have enough r****ds up NORTH,to talk about....
Jan 29, 2017 14:51:01 #
no propaganda please
Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun
boatbob2 wrote:
Why do you i***tic,morons keep talking down on us REDNECKS ??? (proud of it) you have enough r****ds up NORTH,to talk about....
As a newly t***splanted Red Neck (former northerner) I resent the insults (or is it I resemble that remark?)
Jan 29, 2017 15:20:57 #
Rednecks are global!
boatbob2 wrote:
Why do you i***tic,morons keep talking down on us REDNECKS ??? (proud of it) you have enough r****ds up NORTH,to talk about....
Jan 30, 2017 18:11:05 #
boatbob2 wrote:
Why do you i***tic,morons keep talking down on us REDNECKS ??? (proud of it) you have enough r****ds up NORTH,to talk about....
I are a redneck bb
and I can laugh at every one of them sayins
all good all funny
Jan 30, 2017 18:28:16 #
boatbob2 wrote:
Why do you i***tic,morons keep talking down on us REDNECKS ??? (proud of it) you have enough r****ds up NORTH,to talk about....
We ain't skin's fun of you folks, it's just our way of showing that we care.
Besides, WE got plenty of rednecks up here. Heck, we had a nice backyard party and I shot a squirrel in front of everyone just to put on the grill. The kids Loved it but the women......?
Jan 30, 2017 19:01:59 #
Jan 30, 2017 22:43:20 #
I proud be one. Taking the 7 yr. GS deer hunting next yr. Took GD turkey hunting when she was 7. She couldn't believe how loud they are when they GOBBLE, scared her. Mike
boatbob2 wrote:
HI,Yeah most women think that meat can only be found at the supermarket...
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