Christian One-Liners
Dec 15, 2016 18:51:19 #
Don't let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
Until you try to sit in their pews.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Many folks want to serve God,
But only as advisers.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
It is easier to preach ten sermons
Than it is to live one.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
But mosquitoes come close.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
When you get to your wit's end,
You'll find God lives there.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
People are funny; they want the front of the bus,
Middle of the road,
And back of the church.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Quit griping about your church;
If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If a church wants a better pastor,
It only needs to pray for the one it has.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
We're called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God Himself doesn't propose to judge a man until
he is dead. So why should you?
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Some minds are like concrete
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Peace starts with a smile.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
I don't know why some people change churches;
What difference does it make which one you stay home from?
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Don' t wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God loves everyone,
But probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
He who angers you, controls you!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Prayer:
Don't give God instructions, just report for duty!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The task ahead of us is never as
great as the Power behind us.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The Will of God never takes you to where the
Grace of God will not protect you.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
We don't change the message,
The message changes us.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
You can tell how big a person is
By what it takes to discourage him/her.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If this blessed you in a profound way today,
Share it with a few friends to bless them!
I bet someone else will LOVE it too.
REMEMBER:
There is no greater treasure than a good friend!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
Until you try to sit in their pews.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Many folks want to serve God,
But only as advisers.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
It is easier to preach ten sermons
Than it is to live one.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
But mosquitoes come close.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
When you get to your wit's end,
You'll find God lives there.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
People are funny; they want the front of the bus,
Middle of the road,
And back of the church.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Quit griping about your church;
If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If a church wants a better pastor,
It only needs to pray for the one it has.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
We're called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God Himself doesn't propose to judge a man until
he is dead. So why should you?
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Some minds are like concrete
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Peace starts with a smile.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
I don't know why some people change churches;
What difference does it make which one you stay home from?
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Don' t wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God loves everyone,
But probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
He who angers you, controls you!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Prayer:
Don't give God instructions, just report for duty!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The task ahead of us is never as
great as the Power behind us.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The Will of God never takes you to where the
Grace of God will not protect you.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
We don't change the message,
The message changes us.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
You can tell how big a person is
By what it takes to discourage him/her.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If this blessed you in a profound way today,
Share it with a few friends to bless them!
I bet someone else will LOVE it too.
REMEMBER:
There is no greater treasure than a good friend!
Dec 15, 2016 19:56:23 #
Onelostdog wrote:
Don't let your worries get the best of you; Rememb... (show quote)
Very profound, I like them all, and will share them indeed. Thanks.
Dec 15, 2016 20:11:13 #
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Deja Vu – When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.
Plan ahead - It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Why are there so many old people in Church? They're cramming for the final.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy. (Ouch)
What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and f**e jewelry.
Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Deja Vu – When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.
Plan ahead - It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Why are there so many old people in Church? They're cramming for the final.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy. (Ouch)
What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and f**e jewelry.
Dec 15, 2016 20:22:35 #
Larry the Legend wrote:
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any m... (show quote)
Except for the OUCH one 
Dec 16, 2016 07:09:13 #
Onelostdog wrote:
Don't let your worries get the best of you; Rememb... (show quote)
Good points to ponder, and a Merry Christmas 🎄 To you. 🗝
Dec 16, 2016 08:53:08 #
billy a
Loc: South Florida
to One Lost Dog....
Thank you SO much for the Christian stuff. My Pastor is going to laugh his Godly ass off !
Really,I haven't laughed so hard all year. Merry Christmas_Happy New Year.
Billy A.
Thank you SO much for the Christian stuff. My Pastor is going to laugh his Godly ass off !
Really,I haven't laughed so hard all year. Merry Christmas_Happy New Year.
Billy A.
Dec 16, 2016 09:52:35 #
iFrank wrote:
Good points to ponder, and a Merry Christmas 🎄 To you. 🗝
Merry Christmas and a very Happy New to you too Frank.
Dec 16, 2016 09:57:41 #
billy a wrote:
to One Lost Dog....
Thank you SO much for the Christian stuff. My Pastor is going to laugh his Godly ass off !
Really,I haven't laughed so hard all year. Merry Christmas_Happy New Year.
Billy A.
Thank you SO much for the Christian stuff. My Pastor is going to laugh his Godly ass off !
Really,I haven't laughed so hard all year. Merry Christmas_Happy New Year.
Billy A.
Your more than welcome Billy just glad I could help but please be careful as I would h**e to see your Pastor giving sermons derriere less, I mean it could change his whole outlook on the season. Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year.
Dec 16, 2016 19:43:41 #
Onelostdog wrote:
Don't let your worries get the best of you; Rememb... (show quote)
all good dog
thanks
Dec 16, 2016 20:32:52 #
badbobby wrote:
all good dog
thanks
thanks
Your welcome and thanks for the reply.
Dec 16, 2016 21:16:16 #
Larry the Legend wrote:
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any m... (show quote)
Remember, we make plans, and God Laughs. Keep your sense of humor, God likes it when we can laugh along with him.
Dec 16, 2016 23:20:14 #
Big dog wrote:
Remember, we make plans, and God Laughs. Keep your sense of humor, God likes it when we can laugh along with him.
I sure hope so cause he has been laughing at me for a lot of years. Maybe we could start the him and I comedy shop up there some day. Not like I'm in any great hurry mind you.
If you want to reply, then register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.