DUI Texas Style, and other stufff .
Sep 14, 2016 16:01:24 #
DUI
TEXAS STYLE
Only a person
in Texas could think of this.
From the county
where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin, Texas after last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled
around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly
Observing.
After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.
He sat there
for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then
switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.
At last, when his
was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently
all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station.
This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'
"I doubt it", said the truly proud Redneck.
'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'
For
you who need to know everything:
****************************** ****************************** ****************
The liquid inside young coconuts can
be used
as
a substitute for Blood Plasma.
****************************** ******************************
No piece of paper can be folded in half
more than seven (7) times.
Oh , go
ahead ... I'll wait.
****************************** ******************************
Donkeys k**l more people annually
than
plane crashes or shark attacks. (So, watch your Ass )
****************************** ****************************** ************
You burn more calories
sleeping!
than
you do watching television.
****************************** ****************************** **************
Oak trees do
NOT
produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
****************************** ******************************
The first product to have a bar code
was
Wrigley's gum.
****************************** ****************************** *************
The King of Hearts is the
only King
WITHOUT
A MOUSTACHE
****************************** ****************************** **************
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987
by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
****************************** ****************************** **************
Venus is the only planet that rotates
clockwise.
(Since Venus is normally associated with
women, what does this tell you?
That
women are going in the 'right'
direction...!
****************************** ****************************** *********
Apples, not caffeine,
are
more efficient at waking you up in the morning ...
****************************** *****
Most dust particles in your house are
made from
DEAD
SKIN !
****************************** ****************************** ************
The first owner of the Marlboro Company
died of lung cancer.
So did the first 'Marlboro Man'.
****************************** ****************************** **************
Walt Disney was afraid
OF
MICE!
****************************** ****************************** **************
PEARLS DISSOLVE
IN VINEGAR!
****************************** ********
The ten most valuable brand names on
earth:
Apple, Coca Cola, Google, IBM, Microsoft,
GE, McDonalds,
Samsung, Intel and Toyota,
in that order.
****************************** ****************************** **********
It IS possible to lead a cow
upstairs ...
but,
NOT downstairs.
****************************** ****************************** ************
A duck's quack doesn't echo,
and
no one knows why.
****************************** ****************************** ************
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush
be kept at least Six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
(I keep
my toothbrush in the living room now!)
****************************** ********
And
the best for last.....!
Turtles can breathe through their BUTTS!
(I know some people like that,
don't YOU?)
So........................
Remember, knowledge is everything, so
pass it on......
and
go move your toothbrush!
And stop folding that
DAMN PAPER!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A nice, calm, and respectable lady went
into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to k**l your husband
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
Life is not perfect. Life is not easy. Life is good.
TEXAS STYLE
Only a person
in Texas could think of this.
From the county
where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin, Texas after last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled
around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly
Observing.
After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.
He sat there
for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then
switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.
At last, when his
was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently
all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station.
This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'
"I doubt it", said the truly proud Redneck.
'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'
For
you who need to know everything:
****************************** ****************************** ****************
The liquid inside young coconuts can
be used
as
a substitute for Blood Plasma.
****************************** ******************************
No piece of paper can be folded in half
more than seven (7) times.
Oh , go
ahead ... I'll wait.
****************************** ******************************
Donkeys k**l more people annually
than
plane crashes or shark attacks. (So, watch your Ass )
****************************** ****************************** ************
You burn more calories
sleeping!
than
you do watching television.
****************************** ****************************** **************
Oak trees do
NOT
produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
****************************** ******************************
The first product to have a bar code
was
Wrigley's gum.
****************************** ****************************** *************
The King of Hearts is the
only King
WITHOUT
A MOUSTACHE
****************************** ****************************** **************
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987
by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
****************************** ****************************** **************
Venus is the only planet that rotates
clockwise.
(Since Venus is normally associated with
women, what does this tell you?
That
women are going in the 'right'
direction...!
****************************** ****************************** *********
Apples, not caffeine,
are
more efficient at waking you up in the morning ...
****************************** *****
Most dust particles in your house are
made from
DEAD
SKIN !
****************************** ****************************** ************
The first owner of the Marlboro Company
died of lung cancer.
So did the first 'Marlboro Man'.
****************************** ****************************** **************
Walt Disney was afraid
OF
MICE!
****************************** ****************************** **************
PEARLS DISSOLVE
IN VINEGAR!
****************************** ********
The ten most valuable brand names on
earth:
Apple, Coca Cola, Google, IBM, Microsoft,
GE, McDonalds,
Samsung, Intel and Toyota,
in that order.
****************************** ****************************** **********
It IS possible to lead a cow
upstairs ...
but,
NOT downstairs.
****************************** ****************************** ************
A duck's quack doesn't echo,
and
no one knows why.
****************************** ****************************** ************
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush
be kept at least Six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
(I keep
my toothbrush in the living room now!)
****************************** ********
And
the best for last.....!
Turtles can breathe through their BUTTS!
(I know some people like that,
don't YOU?)
So........................
Remember, knowledge is everything, so
pass it on......
and
go move your toothbrush!
And stop folding that
DAMN PAPER!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A nice, calm, and respectable lady went
into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to k**l your husband
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
Life is not perfect. Life is not easy. Life is good.
Sep 14, 2016 16:38:31 #
Sep 14, 2016 18:55:24 #
missinglink wrote:
DUI br TEXAS STYLE br br Only a person br in Texa... (show quote)
See? All rednecks ain't stupid!! Outstanding!
Sep 14, 2016 23:06:50 #
I know. I r 1.
archie bunker wrote:
See? All rednecks ain't stupid!! Outstanding!
Sep 14, 2016 23:08:50 #
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