Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon

Jewish Comedians. Some of us miss the old kind of humor. Not a single swear word in their comic routines as shown below:

A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she'll k**l me!

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife calls it the Dead Sea .

My wife and I revisited the hotel where we spent our wedding night. This time I was the one who stayed in the bathroom and cried.

My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen replied, "So did my arthritis!"

Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor:
"See! What did I tell you?"

A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears. " Doctor: "Don't answer!"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

A man called his mother in Florida . "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered, "Because, I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you should call."

A Jewish man said that when he was growing up, they always had two choices for dinner - Take it or leave it.

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part"

badbobby Loc: texas

all good ones dog
but why are you pickin on Jewish folks??

Irishman was stopped by cop
"You drinkin"/asks he cop
"You buyin"?Asks the Irishman

Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon

Yup, that sounds like my father all right.

badbobby Loc: texas

your father was a cop???

Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon

For a time. Like father like son I guess.

badbobby Loc: texas

ekk
I didn't know if he was a cop or if he was Irish
maybe both?
and there aint nuthin wrong with either
or both

Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon

Both really as was myself for a time, like 12 years then moved to Oregun now can't wait to get the hell out of this now liberal state. My dad was Irish and my mom Apache so I guess I'm a mixed mess. I was a reservation officer for 12 years in So. Ca. and shore patrol in the Navy while waiting to muster out and mostly a screw up doing different jobs for the rest of the time until I became 50% retired and 20% r****ded/senile the rest is open for debate.

badbobby Loc: texas

then we share some ancestors
my great grand mother was full blooded C---joined at 16herokee
I also have Irish and Dutch blood
talk about a breed!!!!
Navy in WW2--joined at 16---out at 20
retired now for 24 years
always r****ded---lol

Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon

R****ded for 9 years now, Navy from 62 to 74 best part was giving guided tours to vacationing Army and Marines along the Viet Cong rivers. Now a days I'm just bored and broke living the American retired dream. Just think my mom used to tell me to save my money while I was young but who ever listens to their moms until it's too late, most people I guess just not me.

badbobby Loc: texas

Moms
God bless them