I find it ironic that the colors red white and blue stand for freedom
unless they are flashing behind you

today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation to the community swimming pool
I gave him a small glass of water

I have changed my pass word to "incorrect",so if I should forget it
my computer will tell me"your pass word is "incorrect"

artificial intelligence is no match
for natural stupidity

I am proficient at multi-tasking
I can waste time ,be unproductive and procrastinate all at the same time

if you can still smile when things go wrong
you have someone you can blame

never discuss your problems with people you know
half of them don't really care,and the other half are glad you have them

doesn't expecting the unexpected
mean that the unexpected was expected?

take my advice---no one else will--and I don't use it

I really h**e it when someone uses big words
just to make themselves perspicacious

hospitality is the art of making people feel at home
even when you wish they were

television may insult your intelligence
but nothing robs it like a computer

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago
it's collecting dust

every time someone comes up with a fool proof solution
along comes a more talented fool

behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes

if your feet are planted firmly on the ground
you will have a hard time putting your pants on

my computer beat me at chess
but it was no match for me at kick-boxing

ever stop to think and forget to start again?

when I married Mrs Wright
I had no idea her first name was Always

my daughter got nine out of ten on her driving test
one guy managed to jump out of her way

give me ambiguity -or give me something else

and lastly


there may be no excuse for laziness
but I'm searching for one