Onelostdog Loc: Restless Oregon

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK – She is a BREASTED CITIZEN.

2. She is not EASY – She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

3. She is not BLONDE – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

4. She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

5. She is not an AIRHEAD – She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

7. She is not HORNY – She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

9. She does not NAG YOU – She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

10. She is not a S**T – She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

11. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS – She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

12. She is not a TWO-BIT SLAPPER – She is a LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER.


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT – He has developed a LIQUID STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a BAD DANCER – He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME – He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVES.

4. He is not BALDING – He is in FOLLICAL REGRESSION.

5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER – He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK – He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS – He develops a case of RECTAL CRANIAL INVERSION.

8. He is not a MALE CHAVINIST PIG – He has SWINE EMPATHY.

9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT – He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLANGED.

10. He does not have a SMALL WILLIE – He is G*****LLY EFFICIENT.

11. He is not a WANKER – He is an OWNER OPERATOR.