Blade_Runner Loc: DARK SIDE OF THE MOON

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hello, President Obama" a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Jimmy Boy, down here at Bump's Catfish Shack, in Vicksburg , and I am callin' to tell ya'll that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"

"Well Jimmy Boy," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Jimmy Boy, after a moments calculation "there's myself, my cousin Tom, my next-door-neighbor and brother Gerald, and the whole dart team from JD's Bait Shop. That makes eight or maybe nine depending if Bump can close the store.

Barack paused. "I must tell you Jimmy Boy that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Jimmy Boy. "I'll have to call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Jimmy Boy called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Jimmy Boy?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and my brother Mike's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Jimmy Boy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Jimmy Boy, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Jimmy Boy called again the next day. "President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Jimmy Boy, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over some shine, catfish, greens and pie and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed that many prisoners."

Whatamess Loc: SC

Thanks for the laugh...it was priceless!

Hungry Freaks

Has the South forgotten that the North kick its butt in the last war? A stupid war the South had no right to start and the war that the North won only by the most barbaric meat grinder tactics that set the stage for another century of warfare?

Well, here's my own joke.

A Yankee farmer is tending his flock when, out of a dusty whirlwind comes a black sedan with DC plates.

A man with blown dried hair steps out of the sedan and says "hey farmer, you want me to tell you how many cows you have on your farm."

the Yankee farmers says: "I don't care. Go ahead."

the blown dried man says "if I tell you the number, will you give me one of your cows?"

The Yankee farmer says : "OK."

so the blown dried bureaucrat pulls out his laptop, links up to NASA's satellite, downloads all USDA info about the area, prints out the data of all average cow farms in the area, uses a West German site to focus on the exact farm, downloads that info and prints it out on the latest miniature portable printer.

"You've go 812 cows on this farm" the bureaucrat says as he picked the youngest cow he could find and began putting it in the trunk of his government sedan. .

"That's right" the Yankee farmer says. "now, if I can guess your exact job title, will you give me back the livestock you won in you bet?"

"OK" the blown dried man says.

You're a staffer for my local congressman," the farmer says.

"Wow-you're right. How did you guess?

"Well" the farmer says, 'You came out here without me calling you to answer a question I already knew. And you spent Lord knows how many dollars to get that answer through working your electronic devices that cost Lord knows how much just to try and make me look like a fool. What else could you be but a congressional staffer?

The bureaucrat looked crestfallen but remained silent.

"Besides, these are sheep," the farmer continued, 'Now will you let my dog out of your trunk?"

Floyd Brown Loc: Milwaukee WI

I like you story better.

Hungry Freaks

It was originally told to me by a Brit who had the farmer being from Scotland and the blown dried bureaucrat coming from the European Union's offices. Bureaucracy-the universal language.

Loki Loc: Georgia

Incompetence without borders.

cesspool jones Loc: atlanta

howabout this one...little kid walks in on ma and pa doin` the hunka-chunka. daddy, what are you doin` to mommy? ma says, we're makin` you a baby brother. little kid says, do it doggy-style, i wanna puppy instead.

Whatamess Loc: SC

Well, it did make me laugh!

cesspool jones Loc: atlanta

short and sweet