One-liners
May 30, 2016 15:12:51 #
slatten49
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
I love a good one liner, and these jokes have puns a plenty. Some of them are so bad, they are hilarious - but they should give you some laughs!
1. I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I've only got my shelf to blame.
2. A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation for a local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
3. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers.
4. I had to quit my job at the shoe recycling factory. It was just sole destroying.
5. I was getting in to my car the other day and a man said 'can you give me a lift?' I said 'sure, you look great, chase your dreams, go for it!'
6. I've decided to sell my vacuum. Well, it was just gathering dust!
7. What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
8. The problem with premature ejaculation is it usually comes out of nowhere.
9. Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
10. My wife and I have been happy for 20 years. But then we met.
11. Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out, man.
12. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!
13. I was overcharged for velcro last week. What a rip off!
14. I think I'm emotionally constipated. I just can't seem to give a sh*t
15. I've been reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
16. A train stops at a train station. A bus stops at a bus station. Now why is my desk called a 'work station'?
17. How do prisoners call each other? On their cell phones!
18. The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common.
19. Have you heard about the magic tractor? It turned into a field!
20. To the guy who invented zero: Thanks for nothing!
21. I h**e Russian Dolls. They're so full of themselves.
22. I used to be a banker, but over time I lost interest.
23. I was thinking about getting a brain t***splant, but then I changed my mind.
24. I can't understand why people are so bothered about me not knowing what the word 'apocalypse' means. It's not like it's the end of the world!
25. Why can't a bike stand on its own? It's two-tired!
26. Did you hear about the man who lost his entire left side in an accident? He's all right now.
27. If I could only take one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn't bother going.
28. I couldn't work out how to fasten my seat belt for ages. But then one day, it just clicked.
29. My first job was at a calendar factory. I can't believe they sacked me, all I did was take a day off!
30. I was going to tell my pizza joke but I think it's a bit too cheesy.
1. I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I've only got my shelf to blame.
2. A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation for a local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
3. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers.
4. I had to quit my job at the shoe recycling factory. It was just sole destroying.
5. I was getting in to my car the other day and a man said 'can you give me a lift?' I said 'sure, you look great, chase your dreams, go for it!'
6. I've decided to sell my vacuum. Well, it was just gathering dust!
7. What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
8. The problem with premature ejaculation is it usually comes out of nowhere.
9. Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
10. My wife and I have been happy for 20 years. But then we met.
11. Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out, man.
12. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!
13. I was overcharged for velcro last week. What a rip off!
14. I think I'm emotionally constipated. I just can't seem to give a sh*t
15. I've been reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
16. A train stops at a train station. A bus stops at a bus station. Now why is my desk called a 'work station'?
17. How do prisoners call each other? On their cell phones!
18. The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common.
19. Have you heard about the magic tractor? It turned into a field!
20. To the guy who invented zero: Thanks for nothing!
21. I h**e Russian Dolls. They're so full of themselves.
22. I used to be a banker, but over time I lost interest.
23. I was thinking about getting a brain t***splant, but then I changed my mind.
24. I can't understand why people are so bothered about me not knowing what the word 'apocalypse' means. It's not like it's the end of the world!
25. Why can't a bike stand on its own? It's two-tired!
26. Did you hear about the man who lost his entire left side in an accident? He's all right now.
27. If I could only take one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn't bother going.
28. I couldn't work out how to fasten my seat belt for ages. But then one day, it just clicked.
29. My first job was at a calendar factory. I can't believe they sacked me, all I did was take a day off!
30. I was going to tell my pizza joke but I think it's a bit too cheesy.
May 30, 2016 16:58:15 #
slatten49 wrote:
I love a good one liner, and these jokes have puns... (show quote)
er --- uh
what does apocalypse mean??
May 30, 2016 21:51:52 #
slatten49
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
badbobby wrote:
er --- uh
what does apocalypse mean??
what does apocalypse mean??
He is a fictional super-villain, arch-enemy of the X-Men.
May 31, 2016 09:12:38 #
slatten49 wrote:
I love a good one liner, and these jokes have puns... (show quote)
My morning chuckle, thanks, Slats.
May 31, 2016 10:32:33 #
May 31, 2016 13:18:43 #
slatten49 wrote:
He is a fictional super-villain, arch-enemy of the X-Men.
maybe you should try two liners
May 31, 2016 19:18:59 #
Alicia
Loc: NYC
slatten49 wrote:
I love a good one liner, and these jokes have puns... (show quote)
******************
You're right. Quite a few are groaners - but entertaining nontheless.
May 31, 2016 20:10:25 #
badbobby wrote:
maybe you should try two liners
hehehe, you guyssssssssss...lolol..Waiting for the reply now.....
I love one liners too, slatts...
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off~~I love it......
How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain t***splant, but then I changed my mind..Hushhhhhh, don't even say it!!
May 31, 2016 21:41:10 #
lindajoy wrote:
hehehe, you guyssssssssss...lolol..Waiting for the... (show quote)
only from the mouth of a lovely lady
May 31, 2016 22:29:06 #
badbobby wrote:
only from the mouth of a lovely lady
Biggggg hug to you, Sir~~~
May 31, 2016 22:53:24 #
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