Are you serious?
Apr 29, 2016 17:04:25 #
lpnmajor
Loc: Arkansas
I invented a process that converts dead human bodies into food. I called the resulting product "cannibal soup". I was then sued by the Campbell soup people for copyright infringement.
I invented a machine that turns raw sewage into food grade beer. To market my beer, I'm considering the following labels; "Schitz", "Buttwiper" and "Hinnycan".
My neighborhood store has a strict appearance policy, in fact there's a sign at the entrance that states " No shirt, No shoes - No service ". I checked my appearance carefully before entering and still got arrested. I was found innocent at trial, but as a result of my experience, a new sign has been placed. The new sign reads "No shirt, No shoes, No pants - No service".
I was misdiagnosed by my Doctor and my attorney suggested I sue. I sued and won a judgment of $125,000. After paying off my attorney, I pocketed $300 - and still had to pay the $525 Doctor bill.
I was summoned for jury duty and on the first day the prospective jurors were asked if anyone had an objection to imposing the death penalty. I raised my hand. The Judge asked me why I objected and I said " well your Honor, I think we should have a trial first, THEN impose death". I was excused from further service.
Attempting to renew my drivers license I was asked if I required "corrective lenses" to which I answered no. I then failed the vision test. The clerk advised me to get my eyes checked, to which I replied that I had already, which is why I wear glasses. The clerk became irate and said that I had denied using "corrective lenses". I patiently explained that I did NOT wear "corrective lenses", I wore glasses. Where do they get these people?
I invented a machine that turns raw sewage into food grade beer. To market my beer, I'm considering the following labels; "Schitz", "Buttwiper" and "Hinnycan".
My neighborhood store has a strict appearance policy, in fact there's a sign at the entrance that states " No shirt, No shoes - No service ". I checked my appearance carefully before entering and still got arrested. I was found innocent at trial, but as a result of my experience, a new sign has been placed. The new sign reads "No shirt, No shoes, No pants - No service".
I was misdiagnosed by my Doctor and my attorney suggested I sue. I sued and won a judgment of $125,000. After paying off my attorney, I pocketed $300 - and still had to pay the $525 Doctor bill.
I was summoned for jury duty and on the first day the prospective jurors were asked if anyone had an objection to imposing the death penalty. I raised my hand. The Judge asked me why I objected and I said " well your Honor, I think we should have a trial first, THEN impose death". I was excused from further service.
Attempting to renew my drivers license I was asked if I required "corrective lenses" to which I answered no. I then failed the vision test. The clerk advised me to get my eyes checked, to which I replied that I had already, which is why I wear glasses. The clerk became irate and said that I had denied using "corrective lenses". I patiently explained that I did NOT wear "corrective lenses", I wore glasses. Where do they get these people?
Apr 29, 2016 19:55:18 #
May 1, 2016 01:04:59 #
lpnmajor wrote:
I invented a process that converts dead human bodi... (show quote)
About sums it up major~~~
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