no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

OPINION
Why I'm proud to be a prude
Carrie Lloyd

By Carrie Lloyd Published March 31, 2016 FoxNews.com

Author Carrie Lloyd (Alex Douglas Photography)

Today, only 3 percent of North Americans save sex for their wedding night. This comes as no surprise for the sexual revolution has been in full throttle for decades—we are shocked only when someone tells us that he or she is an active part of that 3 percent.

I lost my virginity at 23, after living through my teen years and being called a “prude.” Like most people in the Naughties, I did so at the whim of the usual, maverick society. But after three sexual relationships and one virginity down, I (brace yourself) have become one of the 3 percent. This time without the threats of hell or damnation, but with the by-line of self-value, and ceremonial occasion.

At 31, I closed my bedroom door when it came to men, rethinking how to have fulfilling relationships without sex.


Why would I exchange momentarily thrilling escapades for the bane of long-suffering abstinence? Society might chide, suggesting that such idealism could end in sexually-incompatible-tears, nevermind a waste of pelvic floor muscles. But I disagree.

Here are five motivations to keep in mind—reasons why I, and many of my comrades-in-arms, are trying to keep it clean, and savor that moment for when someone is truly willing to commit for life, not just twelve hours:

1. Make the living room become the new hotbed to discover things you used to ignore. Find the lost art in conversation, philosophy even. Swap arousal for vinyl and foreplay for unfamiliar stories. Rewire the brain to go back to the real things of life.

Yes, sex is awesome, but it shouldn't dictate your evening. If your relationship only functions through sex—you already have a problem.

Sex is made for a heart of exclusivity, one focused on serving, not taking from the other.

2. Understand that the ability to say no to pre-marital sex is actually a form of honor, not rejection. Those who want to get their sexual needs met will interpret you saying no to sex as a form of pushing away.

If the man says he needs to have sex with his girlfriend in order to fall in love: Thank him for his honesty, and call the chap a cab. He's not on your page—you’re looking for substance and compromise for longevity.

Add a touch of light-hearted fun to this subject too (no hell and damnation statements please). You'll soon find the men who really are interested in you, rather than driven to feed their own desires.

3. Know you will make better decisions about the character, virtue and soul of a person outside of sexual connection. This is the part where liberty returns. You're no longer tied to someone physically, confused by whether you should stay with them or not. The head stays clear, and you fall in love for all the right reasons.

Abstinence is about using the beauty of sex in the right context, not causing harm with unspoken disclaimers.

4. Forgive yourself and others, for when you took advantage of someone in your past, or when someone took you for granted. Carrying this stuff over to new relationships is as helpful as cyanide. Self-sabotage can result in overt sexual activity with men you don't even like.

Forgive yourself by walking through the pain of what you've faced, then make a decision to start afresh once more.

5. Self-Discipline isn’t self-denial. Generation Y believes liberty should be reckless, spontaneous, fuss-free. The problem is, most things without a boundary or two are harmful. Miroslav Volf once said that for us to create a world without boundaries would be creating a world of no-thing: Black and white just become gray, shapes and definitions become one blob of nothing / no-thing. When it comes to sex, certain restrictions need apply.

Three percent might sound like a dying trend, but it represents 10 million people. That’s down from 11 percent in 1950, when we might have estimated the whole world waited for marriage.

Don’t be swayed by the smoke and mirror trends of post-modern culture. They change, but behaviors have had a knock on effect, causing the government to spend millions in preventive measures—chlamydia and teenage pregnancy are costly on the body, as well as the health care system.

As we embrace a future of provocative propaganda and a world filled with instant gratification, did we throw the baby out with the bath water when we ran a free-for-all campaign in the burning loins brigade?

When hook up apps become passé next year, might purity become the new progressive?

Perhaps it just might.

Carrie Lloyd is author of "Prude: Misconceptions Of A Neo-Virgin" (Red Arrow Media, February 2, 2016).

SWMBO and I would like to celebrate her decision and hope that many will understand the difference between making love and having sex and why "having sex" is a sad, empty and tragic way to run your life.
NPP

bahmer

Very good for both of you. You chose your relationship for all of the right reasons instead of a one stand you have had many evenings through dating and dinners etc. to get to know one another and about one another. If a breakup would have occurred during the dating period there would not be the need to stay together because of sex and you are then free to address your preferences head on and not feel guilty about them.

PaulPisces Loc: San Francisco

I applaud both Carrie Loyd's and you and your wife's making your own decisions about your private lives.

But I am often baffled by those that seem to want to force that decision on other consenting adults. Share your experiences, tell how it has worked well for you. But just don't try to tell others their choice is incorrect.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

For those who believe in moral relativism, there is no right or wrong only what suits you at the time. I wouldn't consider forcing you to live by the 10 Commandments. force does not work. Without understanding, the force is only a pretense anyhow.

AuntiE Loc: 45th Least Free State

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crazylibertarian Loc: Florida by way of New York & Rhode Island

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And why shouldn't they tell others that their choice is incorrect? If they believe it's immoral, they should be free to express their opinions unless you want to deny them that right. I don't think they should be able to legislate it nor a host of other personal matters.

What about the free market between consenting adults there PaulPisces? Suppose I don't want to hire or rent to someone simply on the basis of his skin color, ethnicity, religion or sexuality. Should I be free to do it? And should someone be permitted to work for me for less than the minimum wage? If you answer yes, then you're a libertarian.

I think all of these decisions are a matter between me & God not between me and the state.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

Very well put. Those of us who DO BELIEVE that there is a right and a wrong behavior are consistently denigrated when we dare state our beliefs.

crazylibertarian Loc: Florida by way of New York & Rhode Island

And please note that it's been more than 12 hours & PaulPisces has not responded.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

I noticed that, but then he and John probably have places to be and people to see on a Saturday in San Francisco.

crazylibertarian Loc: Florida by way of New York & Rhode Island

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Good point & clever but I think it's simple avoidance. Few progressives are willing to engage in an exchange that forces them to confront their inconsistencies.
There are others on OPP you didn't mention. They devolve the discussion to blasts of name calling or they simply throw huge handfuls of unrelated items in an oxymoronic blast and then smugly withdraw, as if they've scored the winning points. Conservatives also do it but to nowhere near the extent.
I always thought that in discussions, you had to try to interpret the opponent's stance in the best light possible and not assign the basest of motives. Liberals do not live by that rule.
Thus, you had Bryant Scumball (as Rush Limbaugh called him), er Gumble , confront the president of the AMA with the bromide, "The greedy excesses of the Reagan Years saw physicians' incomes more than double. Was that fair?" Funny, I don't remember Gumble or any liberal commentators or Hollywood elite, turning down any raises they received during those years.
I stand by this statement; the most intolerant, smug, self-righteous, judgmental people I've ever met, have been liberals.

no propaganda please Loc: moon orbiting the third rock from the sun

That has also been my experience both on OPP and in the real world. I am a true liberal in the old fashioned sense. Keep the government out of my life except when absolutely necessary. Keep the damn activists out of the schools their lying propaganda about g****l w*****g, income ine******y and the L***Q agenda are working toward the destruction of our way of life and Western culture.

crazylibertarian Loc: Florida by way of New York & Rhode Island

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Amen brother, Amen.