Don G. Dinsdale Loc: El Cajon, CA (San Diego County)

I wonder, "How can I ever say this?" "When making any amends the first thing to ask yourself is why am I doing this, if it's JUST to relieve guilt from me with no regard for the other person then we are wrong and no good can come of it, we must always put the other person first (paraphrased from the book Alcoholic Anonymous)",...

We need to be free to talk about anything in our intimate relationships. Some things are very hard to say - an old secret we have never told before, a feeling or an observation our partner does not want to hear, a mistake we made that calls for confession. We wonder, "How can I ever say this? How can I avoid hurting myself or my partner?"

Not all things need to be said at once. Readiness is the first part. We can get ourselves ready to speak. The second part is timing. When we are ready, we wait for a good moment to appear, a moment in which our message will fit. The third part is love. Honesty coupled with care and love is healing and strengthening. Some pain is necessary in a growing relationship, and we can tolerate it because it leads to more understanding and more peace of mind.

Think of one new thing you would like to tell your mate about your thoughts, feelings, or behavior. But we must be mindful of this : Will what I am about to say ...... " injure them or others " ??