Clever/Funny One - Liners.
Feb 27, 2016 18:54:17 #
Going the e-mail rounds.
Clever/Funny One - Liners.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd
eventually find me attractive.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for
freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the
computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and
procrastinate all at once.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
Take my advice I'm not using it.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
I h**e it when people use big words just to make themselves sound
perspicacious.
Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when
you wish they were.
Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a
computer.
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been
doing is gathering dust.
Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.
I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble
putting on your pants.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
When I married Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.
My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have mow it.
I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.
I was going to wear my camouf**ge shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
Money is the root of all wealth.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
Clever/Funny One - Liners.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd
eventually find me attractive.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for
freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the
computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and
procrastinate all at once.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
Take my advice I'm not using it.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
I h**e it when people use big words just to make themselves sound
perspicacious.
Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when
you wish they were.
Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a
computer.
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been
doing is gathering dust.
Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.
I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble
putting on your pants.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
When I married Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.
My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have mow it.
I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.
I was going to wear my camouf**ge shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
Money is the root of all wealth.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
Feb 27, 2016 19:15:29 #
Feb 27, 2016 19:16:20 #
slatten49 wrote:
Henny Youngman would be proud of you, Elwood. :mrgreen:
:lol: :lol: He sure was great. :mrgreen:
Feb 27, 2016 19:47:04 #
All of them have foundation, I just wish they had merit, or maybe its that they do have both!!!
This is one I have said many times and is t***h, more than you may know~~~
"Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?"Finished with I should have listened to the expectation I knew to expect~~~ :wink:
Loved them all.. As usual, only you ~~ :thumbup: :thumbup:
This is one I have said many times and is t***h, more than you may know~~~
"Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?"Finished with I should have listened to the expectation I knew to expect~~~ :wink:
Loved them all.. As usual, only you ~~ :thumbup: :thumbup:
Feb 28, 2016 00:41:53 #
lindajoy wrote:
All of them have foundation, I just wish they had merit, or maybe its that they do have both!!!
This is one I have said many times and is t***h, more than you may know~~~
"Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?"Finished with I should have listened to the expectation I knew to expect~~~ :wink:
Loved them all.. As usual, only you ~~ :thumbup: :thumbup:
This is one I have said many times and is t***h, more than you may know~~~
"Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?"Finished with I should have listened to the expectation I knew to expect~~~ :wink:
Loved them all.. As usual, only you ~~ :thumbup: :thumbup:
:lol: :lol: :thumbup: :thumbup:
Feb 28, 2016 05:52:15 #
Feb 28, 2016 09:14:07 #
Worth filing, as it will come handy from time . And now I add my dimes worth. In life's journey... You will always have a few good friends and alas a few bad enemies. But you will always have lot's of "frienemies"
Feb 28, 2016 09:23:01 #
pappadeux wrote:
Worth filing, as it will come handy from time . And now I add my dimes worth. In life's journey... You will always have a few good friends and alas a few bad enemies. But you will always have lot's of "frienemies"
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: May I borrow this??
Feb 28, 2016 10:57:54 #
Feb 28, 2016 11:17:55 #
you sure can! However can I ask will the real Lindajoy stand up. Love the new pic. It makes an old bird want to fly to a south Pacific island to forfill the impossible dream.
Feb 28, 2016 11:25:11 #
Feb 28, 2016 12:00:50 #
pappadeux wrote:
you sure can! However can I ask will the real Lindajoy stand up. Love the new pic. It makes an old bird want to fly to a south Pacific island to forfill the impossible dream.
Lololololo..pappa, you do say the cutest things..and Mel...lolol..you too...
And remember~~~ allll things are possible :wink: :thumbup: :thumbup:
Thank you...your statement now copied..Going to a few of my friends, it is..
Feb 28, 2016 12:25:14 #
Feb 28, 2016 12:27:54 #
Feb 28, 2016 12:37:10 #
Don't know what we'll find so I decided bring along some hot mama's just in case, that if the plane can hold all this baggage.
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